Here Thar Be Monsters!

From the other side of the argument to the other side of the planet, read in over 149 countries and 17 languages. We bring you news and opinion with an IndoTex® flavor. Be sure to check out Radio Far Side. Send thoughts and comments to luap.jkt at gmail, and tell all your friends. Sampai jumpa, y'all.


A Note From Dreamtime

Good evening, my fellow Americans.

By the grace of God, I come before you tonight as you newly elected President, and it is with God's blessing that I will outline to you the following actions and policies which I have initiated today as my first acts in office. Be aware that any one of the steps I have taken today is enough to get me killed. To that end, I have received a thorough medical examination, and I have posted the results on the White House website. As you will see, I am in good physical health with no obvious reason to expect that I should suffer any condition that will impede my ability to serve out my term in office. Be assured that if I die in office, for any reason at all, it will be murder, plain and simple.

At this moment, you may be asking yourself why I would make such a statement. During my campaign, I outlined a set of policies that I would follow, if elected, and I intend to do exactly what I promised you. By some miracle, I was allowed to come this far, so I will not stop now.

What I am about to outline to you will involve some pain on the part of every man, woman and child in this country, but whatever the cost, it will be far less than what we face in the alternative. these are the only possible actions that will save our great nation from sure destruction at the hands of a shadowy cabal, called by my predecesor, Dwight D. Eisenhauer, the Military-Industrial compl\ex. To his statement I would add banking, as well. Our Founders took very careful steps to avoid allowing these groups to have 'undue influence' over the national life of this country, and I intend, beginning tonight, to cure the cancer that has eaten the heart out of our nation and our people by compromising our health, destroying our money, stealing our wealth and compromising our dreams and ambitions.

By electing me, you have shown the world that 'we the people' still have power and the strength of will to exercise it in the face of great adverity. You have clearly announced your desire to return to the rule of Law and the Constitution as our founding principles. My election to office is the sound of your voice being heard. Rest assured that I will answer that call without hesitation or reservation.

In the last 100 days, I convened a federal Grand Jury to review the actions of my predecessors, of whom five survive. Three days ago, that Grand Jury handed down sealed indictments against James Carter, Geore H. W. Bush, Willian Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barak Obama. Those indictments are being posted on the Department of Justice website at this moment. Because of Texas' unique status under international law and the unquestionable loyalty of the Texas Rangers, I have instructed them to serve arrest warrants on those five men. At this moment, three are in custody, however the Bush family has escaped to Paraguay. We are initiating extradition hearings with Paraguay as of this morning.

My next act was to sign these papers in front of me. They are an Executive Order, a Presidential Directive and General Orders for the military, hereby cancelling all previous orders and directives. An ongoing state of emergency, which has led to decades of abuses of power by the federal government, is now cancelled, and all powers granted to the Executive Branch under the Emergency Powers Act are no longer in force.

In the past 100 days, I appointed a group of trusted individuals to find an elite corps of soldiers, both active and retired, who are still loyal to their oaths and to the Constitution. This morning I ordered those men to surround the Federal Researve buildings in New York and here in Washington D.C., and to hold all the occupants and records as evidence of treason and other serious crimes. The Chairman and the Board are currently under arrest and being held over for trial at the soonest possible time.

I have instructed my new Treasury Secretary to take a full and open accounting of all precious metal holdings by the federal government, and to begin issuring gold and silver coins and Treasury certificates as the lawful currency of these united States. As of this moment, the federal government will no longer pay nor receive in payment Federal Reserve Notes of any denomination. I have also directed the Treasury Secretary to repudiate any and all debt to the Federal Reserve as being unconstitutional and treasonous, including any and all interest on that debt.

I wish to assure our allies and trading partners that all Treasury bonds and certificates will be honored at full face value, backed by the full faith and credit of these united States.

As Commander-in-Chief of our Armed Forces, I have recalled all of our troops from overseas, to be repositioned on our southern border immediately to secure our nation against its most dire threat. That order was issued last month, and already 38% of our men and women in uniform have been mobilized. We have currently secured the California and Arizona borders, while citizen militias have been deputized in New Mexico and Texas to serve until such time as we can reposition our troops.

As of yesterday morning, I have given notice to all federal employees who work in unconstitutional agencies that they have 30 days to organize and catalogue everything under their control and then clear their personal belongings to begin an indefinite furlough pending Constitutional review of their positions. This includes, but is not limited to, the FBI, CIA, NSA, NRO, DHS, TSA,and ICE. I have ordered the Department of Justice to investigate any and all reports of abuses by agents of these organizations, and to personally prosecute all complaints of merit.

I have ordered the dismantling of all apparati, including visual, audio and digital surveillance being used against any and all citizens of these united States. We will no longer treat the citizens of this nation as enemies of the state, nor will any agency of the federal government be responsible for impinging on the natural rights of human beings, especially those who are citizens of this great nation. Security functions are in the process of being turned over to the States, where they rightfully belong, and where abuses can be better controlled by the citizenry of the States.

Because my predecessor was unable or unwilling to prove his lawful citizenship and ability to serve in this office, I am declaring any and all laws, regulations, decisions, and orders issued under his administration unconstitutional and invalid.

I have ordered the declassification of any and all documents, materials and objects held by the federal government, and I have ordered the GAO to begin accepting applications from academics, researchers and the press to enter the archives and restricted areas anywhere in these united States for the purposes of releasing any and all information held within. Teams of journalists and researchers have already been allowed into Area 51, the National Archives and White Sands, and others are being approved at this time. All public information belongs to the public and will be made available in the most expedient and organized fashion possible. The priority of this office will be to review the certification and adoption of certain Constitutional Amendments related to the Federal Reserve, the Internal Revenue Service and the income tax, and to the election of Senators. Any irregularity in the ratification process will be grounds for eliminating those amendments.

I have ordered the Justice Department to immediately cease enforcement of any and all federal firearms laws related to the private sale, ownership and use of firearms by American citizens. Related to this, I have ordered all the agents involved with Waco and Ruby Ridge to be arrested and held pending a full investigation of those inciedents.

I have already selected and empowered a new commission to investigate the 9/11 attacks. They will hold hearings in full public view and all credible witnesses, researchers and evidence will be brought forth, so that the American people will know the full truth of those events.

I have directed the Secretary of State to contact the Canadian and Mexican governments and notify them that these united States will no longer honor the NAFTA and GATT agreements, and all activities related to and coming from those agreements will halt immediately. I have also directed the State Department to begin proceedings to withdraw these united States from the United Nations and to review all treaties currently in effect for any usurpations of our precious Constitution and national sovereignty.

Furthmore, I am ordering the State Department to formally notify the nations of the world that these united States are adopting a neutral position with regards to any and all regional conflicts. We will be happy to assume a role as neutral party in any negotiations, however we will no longer take sides or offer the precious lives of our sons and daughters to defend foreign langs and peoples. We were warned by our first president to avoid entangling ties with foreign powers and it is the intention of this administration to return to that wise admonition.

My fellow Americans, I have outlined only the broadest actions undertaken by my administration tonight, but I assure you that there are many others in process now. For too long, we have suffered under the yoke of secretive powers who have sucked the life-blood out of our people, and it is time to take back what is rightfully ours, and ensure that it doesn't happen again.

The work of reversing decades of abuse will be a long and painful one, but in the end, we will hand to our children the rich bounty that our land has to offer. We will ensure their rights and futures unbound by the mistakes of the past and guarantee their ability to pursue life, liberty and happiness.

I am reminded of the admonition of Jesus Christ in the New Testament, "If your right eye offends you, pluck it out and put it away from you." This will not be easy nor will it happen overnight. We are correcting a long line usurpations beginning with such notable people as John Adams and Abraham Lincoln, but it can and must be done, or our precious sons and daughters, and theirs, will become slaves on the land that our forefathers fought so fiercely to bequeath to us.

I implore each of you to remain calm and to bear the inconveniences that will surely follow. Remember what we are trying to achieve and that any pain we feel is not from our actions, but from those who would enslave us. This is a powerful moment in history. We are the last great hope for all the peoples of the Earth. The world looks to America for leadership and opportunity, and we will provide it. We will demonstrate once again, as our foregathers did, that liberty and freedom create properity and wealth for all, not just the few who see us as useless eaters.

We are all products of the One Creator, who has made us in His image, and who has empowered us individually with value and sacred purpose.

Tonight, we embark once again on a great adventure, no less momentous than any of Mankind's greatest achievements. Do not allow anyone to divide us in our purpose, either race against race, religion against religion, or cause against cause, for that is the secret power of evil. Tonight we stand united as one people with one purpose: Liberty. There is no greater purpose. Future generations will look back at this moment and praise us for setting them free.

Let us not tolerate unfounded conspiracy theories, because there are enough real ones to fight, and we have taken the first steps in that momentous effort.

Through it all, I Jesse Ventura, will be your humble servant in office, but let no one mistake my service for weakness. There is no fear but what we imagine in our nightmares, and the nightmare is almost over. Real security, real prosperity and real happiness are within our grasp now. Be steadfast and resolute, and we will win this fight.

Good night and God bless.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Feel free to leave your own view of The Far Side.