Here Thar Be Monsters!

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7.5.11

Back To The Jungle!

We've done the only sane thing we could think of in an insane world, and retreated to the LFS World Headquarters (LFSWHQ), deep in the jungles of Borneo.  The harsh life of chasing monkeys and collecting coconuts somehow seems so much more preferable to the dog-eat-dog world of banksters and empires.

Here in the jungle, we are king of our own castle, even though we are up to our ass in queens, which brings with it its own form of intrigue and mystery.  Why is it women just love to make trouble?

Which brings us to the first topic of the day...

You may recall us telling you about the CitiBank scandal here in Indonesia.  If not, here's a brief summary: a ranking political type has a problem with his credit card.  Seems he was of the mind that the balance should be around $4,000, but the bank saw it as $10,000.  He called to set up a meeting to discuss the situation.  When he arrived at the bank office, he was taken upstairs to 'discuss' the problem with three debt collectors.  Two hours later, he was dead.  In the office.  On the floor.  With blood on the blinds.  And foam coming out of his mouth.  And they called a random number in his cell phone to come fetch him, rather than the nearest hospital for emergency care.

Almost immediately after beginning the investigation, police noticed that the manager of 'special' banking customers, we'll call her 'SugarBumps,' had a collection of very nice cars, a swank apartment and a 20-something boy-toy (she's 50).  It would appear that SugarBumps had been nipping at the trough and was sitting on a very large bank account of her own.  She now stands accused of embezzling over $2 million from customers of the bank's premium services.

What's more, many of the premium customers are government officials, whose bank accounts don't jive with their incomes as public servants.

The plot thickens.

Yesterday, the central bank, Bank Indonesia, issued sanctions against CitiBank.  They are prohibited from issuing new credit cards for two years, opening new branches until next year, signiing up new customers for the premium services for one year, and may not use outside gangsters debt collectors for two years.  All that for just the implications involved.  There's more where that came from if the courts find against the CitiBank.

We can't help but notice that if these things happened in the US, the bank would receive bail-out money and the regulations would be 'reformed' to allow murder as a form of 'debt collection.'  Oh, already.  Okelah kalo begitu.

A while back, a fellow named Gayus Tambunan was arrested and tried for corruption.  He was a 'low-level' tax collector type.  While in custody awaiting trial, he was seen traveling in Hong Kong and Singapore while using an officially issued, perfectly legal passport.  Later, he was photographed at the Virginia Slims tennis tournament in Bali, while wearing a wig and glasses.  We regret that this happened after Halloween.  We had the idea to make a million bux selling Gayus costumes.

Anyway, seems he was taking large bribes to 'handle' tax issues for some heavy-hitters.  He was sentenced to seven years in the slammer, and the other day, and appeals court tacked on an additional three years, just for good measure.  To their credit, the Attorney General's Office was asking that his sentence be raised to 20 years.

Several open questions remain.  How did he get out of jail to go travel around the Occident unhindered and using an official passport (not a forgery, mind you)?  And just who, exactly, had paid him millions of dollars over the years to 'fix' tax problems?  Of course, some folks point out that he was a 'low-level' official.  Just how much of this goes higher up?

Gayus was just indicted yesterday for having $3 million in "fiat money" and $8 million in gold bars, and darn it, he just can't get the story straight on where all that came from, since he only made a couple thousand a month as a 'low-level' tax man.  Let's see, oh, he was also convicted for bribing two cops and a judge to let him run around Asia while he was in 'custody.'  No word and whether the two cops and a judge will get whacked for accepting the bribes.

Meanwhile, we had a soldier stop by the village to make sure we were properly afeared after the alledged death of Usama bin Laden.  We noticed he was carrying an M-16, in a display of primal supremacy.  We told him that the M-16 has a bad habit of jamming, especially at moments when you actually have to use it.  We suggested he swap it out for something more reliable, like the Russian AK or SKS, with composite stock and 30-round 'banana' magazine.  He was a bit alarmed when we brought out our catalogue and offered a discount on bulk orders.  A pallet of tracer rounds with every order of 1,000 or more.

We heard that some prince got hitched over in England.  We kinda missed the whole thing here, since the satellite was having weather problems.  Rumor was it was a nice affair, attended by some of the biggest names in dictators and terrorists.  We wondered, though, why Obama wasn't invited.  According to jungle-drum reports, he spent the day in Florida watching the shuttle sit on the ground, talking with the new poster child for gun-control.

Meanwhile, folks in the US are buying guns like they're going out of style and showing up to rallies by the thousands, openly carrying side-arms without permits.  Hmmm...wethinks the natives are getting restless.  We also heard that Ron Paul pulled in close to a million bux in one day, yet the MSM are assiduously avoiding any mention of him.  It's the old 'if-we-don't-talk-about-him-he-doesn't-exist' trick.  Agent 86 would be proud.

In other news, JPMorgan, in its death throes, has taken out massive shorts on silver and gold.  As a result, they have successfully hammered down the CO<="" then="" they="" this="" thousand-foot="" took="" us,="" was="" which="" wiley="" will="" word="" yawning="">

Here in the village, we were just elected raja.  We immediately raised taxes to put in new string and cans for the telcom system.  We also made an official inspection of the women's bathing area at the river.  We want to see what improvements can be made in clear the view from our front porch.

We are also tired of having 12 kinds of bananas.  Entirely too many varieties and it taxes our royal brain to try and remember all the names.  So we issued an edict to cut down all but two varieties of bananas within a ten-mile range of the village.

It's good to be the king.

Life goes on here at LFSWHQ.  We were just watching a monkey who got a-hold of a couple of tasty, ripe mangoes.  While he was sitting there getting the skin off to enjoy his nice, tasty treat, the other monkeys ganged up behind him.  At the opportune moment, they attacked and stole his mangoes.  We couldn't help but think of Libya.

We've sent out official invitations to Elivs, the Easter Bunny and bin Laden.  If they need a place to hang out, the house next to us is empty.  Lee Harvey Oswald just moved to Maccau.

Time to go inspect the women's bathing hole.  Oh, these pressing duties of state.

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