Here Thar Be Monsters!

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Irishman On A Barstool

While the title of this column may seem redundant, it comes from the old saying: Put two Irishmen on barstools and they'll solve the world's problems in a night.

Being Irish AND Texan makes us imminently qualified to save the world.  Certainly, those two groups are the only being on the planet with a point of view big enough to even consider the task.  With that said, it falls once again on our shoulders to straighten out this mess we ironically call Western Civilization.

Like any farmer will tell you, you can't kill the weed unless you kill the root.  Many folks will tell you that money is the root of all evil.  We beg to differ, seeing more clearly than most.  Actually, the Root of All Evil is Matthew 18:20.  In case your New Testament is a bit rusty, this line says, "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

We know what you're thinking: "How could one line in an ancient work of fiction be the cause of all problems in the world today?"  We hear you.  Took us a while to figure this out, as well.  It just doesn't seem possible, right?

Well, follow along here...

The Roman Church (the Eastern churches are a little more sane) read this line as saying, when people gather at church, it constitutes a Body in Christ, or Corpus Christi.  Remember that word "corpus," it will come back to haunt us.

As a Body, this group therefore acted in concert as one being for the greater glory of God, and could not be separated into its individual components, or human being.  As the theological reasoning goes, this Body became the spiritually purified Corpus Christi, fed by his Flesh and Blood.  It acted as a single Mind, ultimately uniting the katholikos, or Universe, under the single banner of God (which gets into Law of Flags pretty darned fast).

This concept was incorporated (see? there's that word again) into the Ecclesiastical and Canonical Law, which was basically Roman Administrative Law inherited from the Law of Hammurabi via the (Holy) Roman Empire.  The Law of Hammurabi is the first known codification of contract, which is the foundation for all that follows from it.

So, the Roman Church decided that any group of its members constituted a Body, and was therefore incorporated, or 'within the Body'.  

By applying the Law of Contract, the Church decided that each member of the corporation (embodiment) was essentially under contract with the Body as a whole.  Thus, they were required to perform certain duties to ensure the health of the Body, such as pay taxes (donate money, tithing), observe certain rules and rites, and so forth.  If one failed to do this, he or she could be ex communicare, or 'out of communication' with the rest of the Body.

Now, since the (Holy) Roman Empire pretty much dominated the Western Hemispere for 1,000 years, it stands to reason that the Ecclesiastical and Canonical Law would underpin pretty much all other law in the nations subject to it.

Almost every voyage of 'discovery', such as Columbus', were invasions of conquest to claim the world for the Body of Christ.  If you didn't 'volunteer' to convert to Catholicism, you were summarily slaughtered.  If the color of your skin was anything less than the pearly white color of Jay-zus, then you were a lesser Creation and needed extra purifying (by whatever means were most painful).

What's that?  You don't think Jay-zus was white?  Just look at a thousand years of art throughout Europe.  He looks pretty danged white to me.

Back to the topic at hand...

When you were baptized, and later just by being born and 'registered', you became a part of the Corpus.  The modern nation-state operates almost identically to the (Holy) Roman Empire and its official church.  As a means of control, you are made fealty to the State, which is turn pays fealty to Rome.  It's just a hierarchical structure ultimately leading to the ruling God-head.  In other words, it's a pyramid with God at the top and His Ambassador (the pope) His designated ruler until He gets back from wherever it is He goes in times like these.

Pyramid?  With an All-Seeing All-Knowing God at the top?  Hmmm...where have we seen that image before?

Thus, we come to the modern situation.  We have groups of people acting in unison to effect change in the world.  They are united in purpose and vision, and thus constitute a Body under the law.  Since they are corporate, they are called a person without distinction for individuals within that Body.  Therefore, they enjoy a 'corporate veil' that shields the individual 'cells' of the Body from personal liability for the actions of the Body, since the Body is groups of cells acting together in common cause.

Now, with all that lined up, we can clearly see that the mega-corporations that run our lives and have more rights than individual human beings are nothing more than an extension of one line in one gospel in one book written back in the 300s.  Since these corporations are probably 90% of the problem with current society, we have a clear and defined means to change the world.  It requires three steps:

1) Immediately stop the requirement to 'register' (tell the king) the details of every birth, and all the documents and IDs based on that registration.

2) Strip corporations of their veils and legal status as 'persons', and limit the term 'person' to mean a single, solitary, natural human being.

3) Strip the Roman Church of its sovereign legal status, and forbid all churches everywhere from owning property of any kind, and take away their tax-free status.  They may only hold property as individuals, and the individuals are liable for the actions of the organizations they run.

You could write the law on a single sheet of paper, double-spaced for clarity.  Once passed and signed into law, it would take all of about three months to bring the world to a New Age of Liberty and Freedom, the likes of which have seldom been seen throughout history.

So, true to our Irish-Texan heritage, we have solved pretty much all of the world's problems in 1,000 words or less.  We think that anyone who deeply ponders the broad implications of both the status quo, and the beauty of the world without artificial 'persons', will have to agree with us.  In fact, you have to agree with us just because we're Irish-Texan and infallible in our reasoning.  Heck, the world should band together as a single body and declare us pope!

Ugh!  What are we saying?  Letting our power run away with us again...

Oh, and one other little change.  How about making politicians joinly and severally liable for any damages caused by laws that they pass?  Maybe that would get them to actually read the dam nthings before they vote on them.  Or maybe not....

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