Here Thar Be Monsters!

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A Siimple Solution To Complex Problems

Ah, I love the sound of gauntlets being thrown.  The Icke-Ventura article seemed to strike a chord with several readers, most of whom responded positively, wishing that we could all focus on getting things done, and leave the ego stroking for later on.

A couple of email, though, challenged me.
"OK man, if your [sic] so smart why don't you come up with a solution that everyone can do that avoids all the bitching?"
Sure, no problem.  First of all, 'you are' is contracted as 'you're'.  Communicating clearly is a major hurdle in all this.

Now, how do we fix this thing?

Well, there's a group called UNPO.  Yes, I know it's a junior UN, and the primary goal is to get members into the UN, and the UN is part of the problem.  But hear me out.

First of all, everyone and his brother has a pet theory about how we got into this mess.  I'm one of them, certainly.  A lot of these folks make a pretty penny hawking books and DVDs expounding at great length, with footnotes and references, just exactly which path we turned on that got us bass-ackwards.  A major key to any solution must avoid the whole pile of arguments about reptilians and Vaticans and 16th Amendments.  How we got here is a hobby to pursue after we get back on the right path.

Second, we do NOT want to instigate or advocate violence of any kind.  In fact, that kind of thing just feeds the enemy.  That's what they want, and they want it in spades, because they have the market cornered on violence and toys to create it.  That kind of action is very bad PR and provides grist for the mill, when it comes to needing an excuse to mow us down in our tracks.  Make them take the first move, so our hands are clean.  Self-defense is morally justifiable.

Third, protests are completely ineffectual and also provide ample grist for the mill.  The lapdog media take giddy delight in showing defecating in the streets and muddy, grisly people disobeying park rules, and curfews, and all the other crap (like hahahahaha~ permits).  On top of that, the objects of the protests lose absolutely nothing: it doesn't force them to the negotiating table, it doesn't stop them from their evil deeds, and they make money ridiculing the protesters on TeeVee.

Fourth, it must provide the most bang for the buck, since most of us trying to set things right don't have any of those.  Ideally, it should cost about $100, and a few hours of work, with minimal raw materials to achieve the desired effect.

Fifth, it should use official channels and turn their system against them, the way they do to us.  It should force them to show their cards, or at least a good number of them, so that the fence-sitters are forced to make a choice.  It's too easy for them to position themselves as heroes, when they are wearing masks.

Sixth, it should completely avoid anything with the titles 'lawyer,' 'court,' 'judge,' and 'constitution.'  All of those words denote things that have been tried ad nauseum, and have failed because they are contained and controlled.  In other words, they are part of the problem, not the solution.

By this point, you're thinking, "Alright big boy, that's a mighty tall drink of water you've put on the table.  So, what's the plan?"

Glad you asked, or someone who looked a lot like you, at any rate.

The answer is called UNPO, the Unrecognized Nations and Peoples Organization.  It's a little known UN project to control dissent and get an idea of who's serious about controlling their own lives.

In general, UNPO is a baby UN.  The members meet in session, provide support, offer diplomatic training, show the worthy ones where the teat is, so they can latch on the World Bank milk (by worthy, I mean the ones who look like they have a chance to actually succeed).  It's basically designed to get these budding nations into the debt game, kind of like offering college kids credit cards.  Gets them hooked before they know what they're doing.

But we know, don't we?  So, we're one step ahead of that game.

Now, if all the Occupy groups and secessionist groups and libertarian groups (put the ego away boys), and heck, throw in any significant ethnic sub-types, like Texians, Cajuns, Okies, you name it...if all these groups organize and complete an application for UNPO and file it, it might cause a little fun.

Complete rules, forms and whatnot are available on their website.

The trick is, file the applications, and then don't let up.  Dig in like a wood tick and press the issue until they get absolutely sick and tired of you.  Then push some more.

Oh sure, it will mean doing a little homework.  It will mean research at the law library and in history books, typing up a bunch of stuff and scratching together the filing fee and FedEx fare, but can you imagine?

UNPO Members
Suppose motivated groups in all 50 states and assorted territories filed applications, and then put out press releases to that effect, and banded together in solidarity to support each other's applications.  Suppose these groups hammered Timor L'este and Taiwan and Latvia and Estonia (all current or former members) with coordinated requests for support.  Suppose these groups joined forces with all the American indian applicants (I'm a native American, so that title don't wash in my book), and made it a moral and ethical and (gasp) politically correct issue!  This could be, if done right and with feeling, one of the most effective and amazing attacks on PTB to ever occur!  Worst case scenario (from their perspective) is that the applications are accepted!

And it's cheap, bloodless, doesn't involve protests, allows for controlled media access, doesn't use a court, judge or lawyer, and would cause the biggest round of underwear changing in modern history.

And it has the advantiage of never having been tried, at least on the scale I'm talking about.  I did file an application on the part of the Republic of Texas years ago, and was viciously attacked by the Bush crime family.

There are two key points to remember.  Your group will need at least one person who is media savvy to handle all communications with the 'press'.  That includes releases, interviews, etc.  A spokes(person) is not a leader, so it works for anarchists, as well.  But, you do need a smooth, camera-friendly face for your group so that everyone speaks with one voice and comes across as civilized and erudite.

Yes, I know.  We are pushing individualism.  But, when you enter their arena, you have to play by their rules, and be better prepared than they are to make them look like the babbling fools that they are.  This is a mighty task, but absolutely necessary.  It's a tried and true technique, just like everyone thinks Betty Crocker, Sarah Lee and Mrs. Smith are real people.

You must be absolutely dogged in pursuing this.  No letting up.  Demand a hearing of your case.  Have people send one email a day to support your application (goal being several hunder per group per day).  Get the fax numbers for all your local radio and TeeVee news outlets in the area and send out releases once a week (Monday morning) detailing your latest efforts.  Be sure to include your media person's contact info at the bottom.

Cool, but unnecessary, is to come up with a snappy name, like the Waxahachie Native Defense League. Design a logo or flag.  You'll need it when your delegation receives diplomatic envoys.  Come up with a one-page tear sheet about how your people have been put down for so long and suffered the abuses of the occupying forces in your homeland.  Maybe a theme song?  That kind of thing.  And make sure you stress that your group is committed to non-violence.  Very important.

Take a minute to read UNPO's website  Ponder all the really interesting options available in this kind of approach.  Best of all, savor the idea of using their own system to drive them crazy.  And they can't throw you in jail for contempt.  They can't fine you.  There's no curfews or permits.  Don't need a meeting hall (though it wouldn't hurt).  There's no outrageous lawyer fees and you don't have to beg and pray to a court, or some pompous, lard-ass judge who was bought and paid before he graduated law school.

I think once you ponder this option, you'll see the beauty of its simplicity.  The best part is everyone stays home, gets three hots and a cot, can watch TeeVee to see their press guy interviewed, and out of a group of a hundred people, might cost everyone a buck or two each.  Not that you could buy more fun with that little bit of money.

If you really want to push things along, be sure to send offical diplomatic communiques to all of the other UNPO members, asking them to support your application, and in exchange, your group will support and promote their causes, as well.  Can't hurt, right?

After your ponder, you will have to agree that I, and no one else, am absolutely right, and I won't broke any argument.  There's only room for one ego here, and I was first.

Aren't I brilliant?

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