Here Thar Be Monsters!

From the other side of the argument to the other side of the planet, read in over 149 countries and 17 languages. We bring you news and opinion with an IndoTex® flavor. Be sure to check out Radio Far Side. Send thoughts and comments to luap.jkt at gmail, and tell all your friends. Sampai jumpa, y'all.


Ladies And Gentlemen, The Presidents Of The United States

Special Note: Prior to my usual tirade, a note on blindness.  I've been telling folks for a couple of years now that I have begun 'seeing' sounds.  If you remember the movie "Daredevil" with Ben Affleck, then picture the effect they used when we would hit something with his stick and there'd be echoes off of objects.  It's a lot like that, only my resolution is not that good, but enough to see obstacles.  One problem.  it works best when things are dead quiet, and even better if dark too.  I'm lucky in that I still have about 20% of my original vision, but it seems that my brain is making adjustments for the lost capability.  I drive my wife crazy by practicing this new skill at night by clapping my hands sharply and looking at the light show, then opening my eyes and seeing how accurate the echoes were.  At 6' to 8', I'm off by about 6".

At any rate, seems there's a group of researchers who have confirmed this effect, and there's even a test to see if you have the ability.  Needless to say, I passed the test.  Look for the video link at the bottom of the article.  Since this effect does exist, it stands to reason that sighted people can develop it, as well, with a conscious effort.  It is trainable, as I can attest.  Could be a very handy skill for night navigation, and even in the day for 'seeing' things that are hidden or not obvious with the eyes.


We're going to go way out on a limb and call the US election next week.  The winner will be...

Omittma Baromneyak

Now you may think we're being cute mixing the names of both major-party candidates, so that whoever wins, we're right.  Well, of course, that's part of it, but we have a deeper meaning.

We suspect that BOTH candidates WILL win.  In other words, a least for a time.  We predict a series of 'natural' (nature provides the greatest plausible deniability) disasters will cause the elections to be postponed, and to quell the outcry, both men will be given equal status as 'leaders of the (ahem) free world' until such time as things can be re-arranged.  Say 2020 or so.

This would seem to be the ideal solution, since presumably the extreme views of both men would be cancelled out and the consensus view would hold sway.  It would allow the 'ring masters' to placate the greatest number of people with one fell swoop. The 100% of idiots who keep telling pollsters they want either of the two leading idiots would all be happy.  Those of us who are aware of what day it is, on the other hand, would know that the end has finally come and that nothing can stop the train at the other end of the tunnel now.

How would this work, you ask.  Well, it's quite simple actually.  Many corporations have a president and a CEO who are not the same people.  You could divide up the foreign and domestic duties between the two and they would have to concur on military matters, which does look like it would lead to a lot of soul searching in the White House in that respect.

One could take over the West Wing and the other takes the East.  The Oval Office would become the Parabolic Offices.  They could share the nice, new underground bunker underneath.  There might be some conflict over the dinner guests, with George Strait duking it out with Beyonce, but the Chief of Staffs could hash that little problem right out.

Heck, we could even start to refer to them as the Harlequin Twins and Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder could go out on a Legends Tour (like the Rolling Bones) and promote racial harmony because of the amazing developments in DC.  Next thing you know, dogs and cats would be living together!

Could it happen?  Why not?  They (the pit bosses) tried the direct route in 2000, and that led to an open wound that some people still can't get over, including Sweet Al.  If both won and became co-presidents, it would make everyone happy, especially if 'yin' got the foreign stuff, and 'yang' got the domestic end.

Balance and harmony would break out everywhere!

It is an elegant solution in its simplicity, and one which we are certain the pit bosses have considered if not implemented.  Are there signs that they have implemented this 'final' solution?

Let's see...there's Hurricane Sandy.  Now mind you, this 'hurricane' has 75mph sustained winds.  For those of you who have never experienced a hurricane, winds like that are FUN!  I've sat out in 75mph winds and watched the rain fall sideways.  We're not talking end of the world-type stuff here.  If you blow on the palm of your hand as hard as you can, that's about 75mph wind.

Oh sure, there may be downed power lines and uprooted trees, but it sure doesn't justify evacuation notices stating 'if you do not survive' and estimates of $3 billion in damages with the East Coast becoming a vast swamp.  Sorry, doesn't work like that.  The storm is moving at 13mph, which means it will blow over in about 3 hours and the skies will clear and all will be as it was, minus a coupld of trees in Central Park.  Be sure and check out the eye.  It's really cool.

The amount of fear and hype being generated over the least little things these days is rather astounding.  During hurricanes, they always point to Katrita, but fail to mention that New Orleans is 9-feet lower than the sea, or that Houston never even got rainfall from the other storm.  But millions of people panicked and clogged hiways for hundreds of miles and emptied stores.

So maybe fear and panic are tools, since 'they' seem to have this pathological desire to keep people in a state of stampede for the stupidest things.  There can be no other explanation than the resulting chaos provides endless entertainment to 'them'.  We here on the Far Side refuse to entertain someone without being paid...well.

Could 'they' be creating a hurricane right now to initiate problem-reaction-solution (Hegelian Dialectic)?  Sure.  A hurricane is driven by heat.  Using microwaves to heat the ocean, one can stir up an otherwise minor storm.  Then, to steer it, you simply heat of corridor of the atmosphere with radio waves that would draw the hurricane in much like a magnet would draw iron fillings.  All of this can be done using advanced radar-generating spacecraft, or ground stations in combination with orbiting reflectors to focus and intensify the waves.

In fact, we suspect that we saw a test of the system earlier this year, in which a template - in this case the storm track of Katrina - was uploaded to the system and a new storm (Isaac) was made to follow the predetermined path.

Can it control earthquakes?  Well, doggone it if Fukushima didn't serve a lot of goals and policies of the Western empire and hit the exact weakest point to create the most amount of damage over the longest possible term.

We're just sayin'...

If we add up all the behaviors of the various governmental groups over the past 20 or 30 years, it would certainly appear that something BIG is about to happen that may or may not be out of the control of whatever group is responsible for all this.  You've got the Far Sight Institute and HalfPastHuman going off about rocks in space.  You've got the 2012ers jumping up and down about the Mayans and Egyptians.  You've got the Neo-Mammonic televangelists stirring up end-time fears.

And then you've got folks like us here at Life on the Far Side.  We get these weird 'spidey-sense' things, kind of like butterflies in your stomach, but based on anticipation rather than anxiety.  It's a lot like that feeling you had as a kid on Christmas Eve when you laid in bed waiting for the next morning.

So time for 20 Questions:
Is something BIG about to happen? Yes.
Is it man-made or natural? Probably both.
Will humanity survive? Of course
Will things be better after it? Let's hope so.
When will it happen? Soon.
Is all this storm/EQ stuff part of it? No, this is dress rehearsal.
What is the best/worst place to be when it happens? No place/any place.
What are my chances? About the same as doing 100mph on a city freeway, and just as preventable.
Will people panic?  Of course.

People always panic when things change.  As a race, we become accustomed to and crave routine.  We can't stand it when there's a major upheaval in our lives.  We'd even point out that most of the problems in a disaster is people panicking instead of rationally and coolly evaluating the situation and taking appropriate action.

Could all of this come to pass?  Why not?  The government media (ABC, CBS, NBC, Fix, PBS) have gone out of their way to cast this election as 'too close to call', making 2000 a dress-rehearsal.  Co-presidents would make the most number of people happy, at least in the short-term.  Hell, Romney is right handed and Obama left.  They could even hold hands while co-signing Emergency Executive Orders!  What a sight that would be!  Black/white, left/right ruling together.

So, anyway, might want to steel yourself for the fun that's coming soon to a planet near you.  We should see a big push in the near future to slice the world into three parts: North/South America and Greenland, Europ/Iceland/Africa, and China/Oceania/Australia.  This would allow the Secret World Government in Antarctica to rule the world with minimal effort, with all the dirty work taking place in the immediate aftermath of whatever is coming.

Should we panic?  Hell no.  You can rest assured, based on history, that 'they' are doing the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time for the exact wrong reasons.  Since 'they' go through life with severely myopic vision, 'they' never see the train coming.  'They' always react to perception rather than reality.  Just keep your wits about you and take reasonable precautions, like all clear-thinking people do all the time.

It's not the fall that hurts, it's the sudden stop at the end.  Take all necessary action to control where you land, and like that crazy Austian guy (but we repeat ourselves), enjoy the fall.
TEOTWAWKI isn't always a bad thing.