The Body Electric

Sometimes, you gotta laugh, and in Texas we got plenty to laugh about.  I posted this one several years ago, and it needs the occasional re-run.  It's got adult language in it, so if you act like a child, you should go away. This went around in email in 1999, and I have never found proper attribution, so please, if you created this story, let me know so I can give you proper credit.  Enjoy!

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Thought y'all should read this in case you're thinking of installing an electric fence!

We have the standard 6-foot fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence.

I then used an 8-foot long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6hp big wheel push mower.... The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't
remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and come at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.... but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9-volts and just kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8-foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the perma-damp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my  " boys" on my chest, I think, 'Oh God, please let it die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am, in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created....

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had laid, while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing, had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things.

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My  "boys "  are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

I Am What I Am

What is consciousness?

This is one of those Sunday ponders to twist your noodle in a knot.  Science, and especially physics, will never find the Grand Unified Theory of Everything until it can come up with a formula that explains how atoms, molecules and chemical soups can generate a very simple statement: I am.

For all our self-congratulatory technology, our robots and computers and kitchen appliances, we can't create one fundamental thing: self-awareness.  Oh sure, we can teach machines to run and dance and hold conversations that seem spontaneous, but at the very foundation of these creations, there is nothing by algorithms and calculations.  We can simulate consciousness to varying degrees of eye-poppingness, but ultimately, we can't cause it.

The basic problem is our understanding of the Universe.  We like to strut around talking about quantum mechanics and string theories, but in reality we always bump into, what we used to call in fortran programming, do-loops.  All our efforts end up chasing their own tails, with things like 'black holes' resulting from mathematical dead-ends, where math fails and all the rules get thrown out the window.

Nowhere in all our wizardry does the math reach a point where the individual pops into existence.  And here's the real noodle bake...is everything we think we know being created by our own expectations of finding it?  In other words, did we find the Higgs boson because we created the environment in which it could exist?

Here's the fundamental problem with current particle physics.  We calculate that a certain particle must exist in order for the solutions to be valid.  We set up experiments to find those things.  Thus, we have created the things by establishing the right environment for them to be found.  In other words, these are completely reflexive exercises.

Another example is the periodic table.  In nature, we only find elements up to uranium.  After that, they are all man-made, and most don't exist for more than a millisecond or two before crumbling into more mundane pieces.  Everything from #93 to #120 (and beyond) is simply us tinkering with what is, not finding some aspect of reality.

Another problem with things like CERN and other particle smashers is that we are artificially creating things that are not found by themselves in Nature.  It's as if we are accelerating two panes of glass to near the speed of light and then smashing them into each other.  Then we pick up the pieces and try to extrapolate the whys and wherefores of how the glass was made and what purpose it served by sifting through the pieces.  Are we really finding things that are there, or are we creating them in an artificial environment that doesn't exist in the 'wild'?

According to some theories of the Universe, we will ultimately build a telescope so powerful that we will eventually see the back of our head.  In the other direction, we will finally find that the most minute processes of the Universe are little more than fractal echoes of the macro world.  Ultimately, we are looking in the wrong places for the wrong things, because none of what we have or will find answers the basic question at the heart of all science...who am I?

When Moses asked the Burning Bush, "Who is it that I should tell them sent me?"  The Voice responded, "Ahjeh asher ahyeh."  I am who I am, tell them "I am" sent you.  Basically, Moses was talking to himself, for if we repeat the phrase, either to ourself or to others, we are saying that "I am" is the penultimate meaning and force of Creation.  In other words, we come full circle back to our own consciousness and our understanding of our individual place in the Universe.

All of the machines and computations and sub-atomic particles and proto-galaxies mean absolutely nothing until we can answer one simple question, "Who is 'I am'?"  Until we can answer with certainty what it is that causes us to be able to look at ourselves and call ourselves 'individual', then all the rest is just icing with no cake.

Once we understand consciousness, all the rest will fall into place.  Bigger, better telescopes won't find it.  More powerful microscopes won't find it.  More massive particle smashers won't uncover it.  These efforts will always end up back where we started with n/0, a mathematical absurdity...a 'black hole'.

There is a logic to all of this.  We sense it from the moment we can say, "I am."  We know there is a reason and structure to everything around us, but we can't put our finger on it.  We have come upon a puzzle with infinite pieces and we are smashing it to bits trying to figure how and why it made a picture when it was all assembled.  It's a futile, empty exercise whose results are always more pieces, but still no understanding of how they all came together in the first place.

The foundation of all science is the question, "Who is 'I am'?"  Yet, it is the proverbial elephant in the living room that everyone knows about but refuses to acknowledge.  All our hubris over finding bosons and leptons and fermions does nothing to solve the Great Riddle.  It doesn't even bring us closer to defining the question, much less the answer.  The nature of the Universe will remain an elusive prize until we start to ask the right questions.  Sure, we can make wildly speculative statements like, "Cogito ergo sum," but what is the sum of sum?

How is it we can say "I am"?  What is the nature and cause of consciousness?  What's more, does the Universe exist because we are aware of it?  Or do we exist because the Universe is aware of us?

The answers to those questions are not found in bosons, they are found in the logical absurdities that no one wants to deal with.  We paper over those absurdities and refuse to look them in the Eye.  Yet it is when we contemplate infinity that we start to ask the right questions.

Two thousand five hundred years ago, the Buddha answered all the questions that quantum physics is just now rediscovering, and he did it with pure reason and logic.  He didn't need atom smashers and supercomputers.  He only needed to stare into the Abyss of consciousness and the rest became self-evident. Whether it's Buddha's cosmic foam or quantum physics' flux, that is where we will find the answer to Creation itself, because Creation doesn't exist without 'I am'.

I think, therefore 'I am'.

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Today's Sunday funnies is a classic Darwin Award from 1999.  Since we're on the topic of absurdities, I thought this one fit just perfectly.  The more I picture it, the funnier it gets...

A fellow from Michigan buys himself a brand-new $30,000 Jeep Grand Cherokee for Christmas. He goes down to his favorite bar and celebrates by tossing down a few too many brews with his buddies. In one of those male-bonding rituals, five of them decide to take his new vehicle for a test drive on a duck hunting expedition. They load up the Jeep with the dog, the guns, the decoys, and the beer, and head out to a nearby lake.

Now, it's the dead of winter, and of course the lake is frozen, so they need to make a hole in the ice to create a natural landing area for the ducks and decoys. It is common practice in Michigan to drive your vehicle out onto the frozen lake, and it is also common (if slightly illegal) to make a hole in the ice using dynamite. Our fellows have nothing to worry about on that score, because one member of the party works for a construction team, and happens to have brought some dynamite along. The stick has a short 20-second fuse.

The group is ready for some action. They're all set up. Their shotguns are loaded with duck pellets, and they have beer, warm clothes and a hunting dog. Still chugging down a seemingly bottomless supply of six-packs, the group considers how to safely dynamite a hole through the ice. One of these rocket scientists points out that the dynamite should explode at a location far from where they are standing. Another notes the risk of slipping on the ice when running away from a burning fuse. So they eventually settle on a plan to light the fuse and throw the dynamite out onto the ice.

There is a bit of contention over who has the best throwing arm, and eventually the owner of the Jeep wins that honor. Once that question is settled, he walks about 20 feet further out onto the ice and holds the stick of dynamite at the ready while one of his companions lights the fuse with a Zippo. As soon as he hears the fuse sizzle, he hurls it across the ice at a great velocity and runs in the other direction.

Unfortunately, a member of another species spots his master's arm motions and comes to an instinctive decision. Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns and the dog? Yes, the dog: a trained Black Labrador, born and bred for retrieving, especially things thrown by his owner. As soon as the stick leaves his hand, the dog sprints across the ice, hell-bent on wrapping his jaws around the enticing stick-shaped object.

Five frantic fellows immediately begin hollering at the dog, trying to get him to stop chasing the dynamite. Their cries fall on deaf ears. Before you know it, the retriever is headed back to his owner, proudly carrying the stick of dynamite with the burning 20-second fuse. The group continues to yell and wave their arms while the happy dog trots towards them. In a desperate act, its master grabs his shotgun and fires at his own dog.

The gun is loaded with duck shot, and confuses the dog more than it hurts him. Bewildered, he continues towards his master, who shoots at man's best friend again. Finally comprehending that his owner has become insane, the dog runs for cover with his tail between his legs. And the nearest cover is right under the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Boom! The dog and the Jeep are blown to bits, and sink to the bottom of the lake, leaving a large ice hole in their wake. The stranded men stand staring at the water with stupid looks on their faces, and the owner of the Jeep is left to explain the misadventure to his insurance company. Needless to say, they determined that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is not covered under their policy, and the owner is still making $400 monthly payments on his brand-new Jeep at the bottom of the lake.

Please Release Me

If you're a webbot fan, then you're probably sitting in front of your screen slack-jawed at global events this past few days.  You know that those bots have long been predicting the beginning of a major release period about now, and so far, events have followed suit.

March began with the release of Sheriff Joe's investigation into the supposed birth certificate released by Obama last April.  At the same time, Andrew Breitbart was released from his mortal existence on the day he was set to release video showing Obama hanging out with notorious Weather Underground figures.  Mother Nature released a hell-storm on the central US.  Obama released yet another offensive on the Constitution and Rule of Law.  GM released 1,300 from their jobs because the Car that Fascism Built didn't work and blew up a lot.  The Japanese released a new 'gun' that causes the brain to seize up and the target to stop talking in mid-sentence.

The list goes on, all over the world in many ways.  TSA is released to start groping drivers on the streets of the US.  A bomb was released on a Saudi pipeline.  Iran released more oil despite sanctions. 

And on it goes...

This is only the beginning, if the bots are to be believed.  They predict a period of release language the likes of which living human beings have never seen before.  It is bundled up with Secrets Revealed, of which there are plenty in the news, and the Israeli Mistake, which is being set up even as we speak (if they decide to attack Iran in the face of decreasing global support).  There will be a number of space-related events, of which the Sun's decreasing number of sunspots as it nears the peak of its cycle could be one.  If we take the years-long prediction more or less literally, then the coming weeks will be an amazing time.

Whether or not you follow the bots is irrelevant.  They are entertaining distractions for those of us who look for patterns in an otherwise senseless world.  What we can say is that global events are taking an interesting turn for the chaotic.  It seems that in every aspect of life and in every corner of the planet, there are abnormal events taking place.  A great number of events are coming to a head that have been building for some time.  The Iran situation alone has been 20 years in the making, even longer, really.

Last week, in one day, oil shot past $110/barrel and gold shed $100/ounce.  The EU is still in existence, despite anything nearing common sense, but that may not be true much longer.  The only economy still standing, Asia, is quietly unloading western debt paper and their chairs at the auctions have been empty for some time.

Even Antarctica has gotten in on the act.  A Russian team feared lost for a time suddenly showed back up and claimed to have finally tapped Lake Vostok after 20 years of drilling.  Meantime, a Norwegian lab blew up and killed a number of scientists (story has disappeared), while an iceberg the size of New York started a life on its own.

Everywhere one looks, there are rumors and events of increasing interest and visibility that have the ability to change global events in significant and profound ways.  It makes for some fine popcorn quality time in front of the global peep-hole we call the internet.  One gets the feeling that a great many folks are ready to sweep the table clear and start fresh with a whole new set of problems, and that wish may be unfolding before our eyes.

The coming days and months will tell the tale for the course of world events for some time to come.  Perhaps the US storms are a metaphor for coming social and political storms.  The sky is growing increasingly unsettled and there is a change in the air.  It might be a good time to open the storm cellar and clear out the cobwebs.

Think of it as a fire drill.  A little practice never hurts, since being able to act in a meaningful way when chaos is swirling around our heads is never a bad idea.  Universe favors the prepared mind.

The nice thing about storms, though, is the fresh, clean air behind them.

By the way, while you're at it and you're one of the cool people who use Firefox, check out the new add-on called Collusion.  It lets you see which sites are sending your info to which other sites, and which are tracking you even after five or 10 sites..  Puts a slight bit of power back in your hands.
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And now, for the Sunday Funnies.  This is an oldie, but goodie, and always worth a rerun.
http://www.wnd.com/2012/03/sheriff-joes-posse-probable-cause-obama-certificate-a-fraud/

Tidbits: Apology, Discernment and Observation

Because of the sheer volume of information washing over the world, I find it difficult to focus on a single aspect or story that defines the moment.  All of it is important in some way or another to understanding the currents behind the news.  Like Fukushima flotsam, the headlines are but the detritus that floats on top.  The mass of the junk lies hidden under the surface, like an iceberg of events waiting to deal the fatal blow to the Titanic of civilization.

The first thing on my mind just now is the rather inflammatory events taking place between henrymakow.com and rense.com owners.  As far as their row goes, I really don't have a horse in that race.  I am deeply grateful to both for having published my work in the past.  I hold the work of both men in high regard.  I have learned much from their efforts, and have gained some amount of wisdom as a consequence of their efforts.

It seems that Dr. Makow was attempting to publish an article promoting the idea that US nukes had caused the tectonic shift that destroyed Fukushima and environs.  Mr. Rense didn't buy the idea and refused to publish the article.  This led to a week-long and rather dramatic flare-up between the two titans of alternative news sources.

I can't say who's right or wrong, because I don't know.  I have read the tit-for-tat and frankly can't really understand the dynamics at play here.  From my vantage point, I see a familiar scenario playing out, one that I have experienced frequently throughout my efforts to change the world.

In just about any group with whom I've ever been involved, invariably there comes a time when the internal politics overwhelm the greater goals of the group.  It is a sad and ultimately pointless process, in which egos become deeply involved in proving one's self right and the other wrong.  There are aspersions cast about, usually that one or the other is a 'fed' or 'an agent' of the group's villain.  The group invariably forms factions, sides up and a power-play ensues.  It is precisely what I see going on here.  Same rhetoric, same process, same outcome.

At the heart of the matter is usually an issure on which no one will compromise.  Focus gets turned away from the bigger goals to argue over a minor stepping stone.  That Dr. Makow wanted to publish an article by another author is his right.  That Mr. Rense did not is his right.  Both are correct.

That Dr. Makow decided the article was so important as to cast aspersions at Mr. Rense seems to be the crux of the matter.  If we must find fault, then it is that among people working towards a common goal, especially one as important as what these two men are doing, passions will flare.  Everyone who thinks deeply enough and works hard enough to achieve a goal believes that their's is the best and only way to achieve it.  When others disagree, it can be very difficult to let go and keep working, or find alternative outlets and parallel channels.

When one is passionate about one's work, it is but a short step over the line when one perceives allies as hindering the effort.  Dr. Makow was at fault escalating into ad hominem attacks, but Mr. Rense was wrong to follow suit.  Sometimes the best response is silence.  But again, when passions are involved...
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Richard Santroum - Powerful Saints

It is not often that I find myself defending Bammy, but in the name of intellectual honesty, I must point out things when I see them.  The artilce that caught my eye was Santorum accusing Bammy of a non-Biblical agenda.

This is a thinly veiled code meaning that Bammy isn't backing Israel to the hilt so that we can push the world into a convulsion of death and destruction and force Jesus into his Second Coming and prove that Christians were right all along, as we stand on the smoking pile of rubble that was once Western civilization.

Basically, what Santorum has accused Bammy of doing is not unquestioningly supporting a nation which has no lawful right to exist.  Furthermore, Bammy is not pushing global events to match the 'interpreted' script of Revelations.  This is absurd on its face, since Bammy has done his fair share of meting out death and destruction.  But obviously, he is not supporting supporting Israel's hell-bent agenda to wipe out the Middle East.

What is actually going on here is that the Zionists are promoting an agenda that will set up the proper enviornment to cause their Messiah King to appear.  They have successfully duped the Christians into thinking that their efforts will cause the second appearance of Christ.  Meanwhile, the Muslims are unimpressed because none of it promotes the re-appearance of their Imam Muhti, so they aren't playing that game.

In the end, all three groups are trying to destroy the world in such a way as to cause their long-awaited champion to appear, and prove them right after all.  Santorum has accused Bammy of not playing by the Judeo-Christian handbook and is using coded rhetoric to say so in public forum.

Excuse me if I sit this one out.  I don't buy the line that destroying the world to force God's hand is a lofty goal by any measure.  In the first place, it is the height of hubris to think that God can be forced by us 'mere' humans to do anything.  In the second place, if all three groups are wrong, which has a 99.999% liklihood by my estimation, then all that has been achieved is the destruction of the Earth.

By the way, I have seen no one point out that santorum is the Latin plural for santo, which means 'saints.'  Richard is French for 'powerful.'  You put it together.  Frankly, nothing about Rick Santorum passes the smell test, but then I think that about pretty much every politician of any stripe anywhere at any time.

I guess those high school Latin classes were good for something...
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Another article that caught my eye involves the world's pyramids shooting off beams of light into the sky.  Assuming for the sake of argument that this is not utter rubbish, I lump it into the Gabriel's Trumpet reports from around the globe, concerning loud, omnidirectional sounds blasting out across the landscape.

Let's take for granted these things are real, and mix liberally with Dr. Joseph Farrell's hypothesis that the pyramids are part of a global network or grid that attempts to engineer the Earth's space-time environment.  And just for grins, let's add Vincent DiPietro's theory of galactic superwaves.  What do we come up with?

Well, we know that the solar system is entering something called the Local Fluff.  This is a highly magnetized cloud of gas and dust discovered by the Voyager spacecraft few years back.  Coincident with this discovery was one of the deepest solar minimums ever recorded, along with a number of changes to all the planets in our solar system.

For example, Pluto's atmosphere, which should be freezing and falling to the surface at this point in its orbit, is not, and rather is expanding.  Huge new storms have appeared on all the gas giant planets.  Mars' atmosphere is warming and the ice caps are not expanding in their normal cycles.  Venus' orbit is slowing down, some 6 minutes in the last 20 or so years, and the oxygen content of its atmosphere has greatly increased.  All the planets' (those that have one) and the Sun's magnetic fields are fluctuating and weakening.

Suppose this Local Fluff were a periodic event, possibly the leading edge of one of DiPietro's Galactic Superwaves.  Suppose that our ancient ancestors knew of these events and had the mathematics and capability to engineer a global grid to harness the Earth's hyperdimensional power to create a shield, a la Farrell.  Suppose the Gabriel's Trumpet effect is an electro-magnetic process similar to an audio version of the Aurorae Borealis and Australis (damned Latin is everywhere).  Finally, suppose global events were the result of humans being hyper-stimulated by this influx of energy, for better or worse.

I know that's a long list of suppositions, but it's interesting to note the picture that emerges when you put those pieces together.  And at first blush, the pieces do seem to fit.  Of course, this all hinges on whether the reports and photos of the pyramids are real, how much of the sound blasts are actual events and not hoaxes, and whether the hypthoses of DiPietro and Farrell are correct.  The astronomical effects are observable, though, and without other considerations, are interesting to ponder in their own right.

Even these three tidbits, taken together, seem to show a pattern.  There appears to be an increasing wave of divisiveness sweeping the world.  It has set brother against brother, caused accusations of 'my destruction is better than yours,' and even appears to be modifying the otherwise sedate workings of local space.  Social and economic upheaval are the order of the day.  People seem to be increasingly at each other's throats for little or no reason.

The question is, does knowing it has a central cause allow us to defuse the situation, or even treat the symptoms?  If so, then perhaps we are on to something here.  If not, then it is all simply unconnected events that are coincident with each other.

Frankly, I have never believed in coincidence.  There is always an underlying structure, even if the actors are not aware of it.

At any rate, it behooves us to sit back and get a little perspective once in a while.  Apologies, discernment and observation are the orders of the day.  We are continuously involved in the creation of the Universe, which is at once an amazing thing to watch, and requires careful and deliberate actions to work in harmony with it.

On the other hand, I could be wrong.
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For those who have survived the screed, it's time for the Sunday Funnies!

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?'

NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'No!'  By now I was starting to smile.

' Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, they all answered 'No!'.  I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued, ' Then how can I get into heaven?'

A six year-old boy shouted out " YUV GOTTA BE FUKN' DEAD!"