So there I was this morning, talking with a very old friend - dare I say brother of a different mother.
It had been ages since we spoke face-to-face, or should I say Skype-to-Skype. Years of email and the occasional phone call.
We go back to age 7. We were altar boys together. His mother was active in my father's campaigns. We went to school together through high school. We spent our weekends together. He was always cutting edge with the latest music and got me into Alice Cooper and Elton John. We have always been brutally honest with each other, in a kind way.
He went on to an illustrious career in law, and I went on to a nefarious career in entertainment. We never lost contact, though we have gone through long dry spells, but friendship has a way of overcoming that.
The conversation ranged over a hundred topics spanning more than an hour. He mentioned how several folks of his acquaintance were thinking of going the ex-pat route. Things were out of control in the home country. We talked art and law and business. We introduced our wives to each other. I mentioned how much he looked like his father, who I admired greatly.
Through it all, I thought about the "old days," when we were idealistic and full of passion for the future, back when we weren't so jaded and cynical.
Then I thought about how we were talking. We were literally on opposite sides of the world speaking in real time with full motion video. I lost my train of thought for a moment as I pondered this modern miracle.
When he and I were kids, this kind of technology was science fiction. We marveled at Dr. Floyd calling his daughter from orbit on her birthday, in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey. Even before that was the comic strip Dick Tracey, with his 2-way wrist radio. Wow, wouldn't that be cool! And Star Trek, with their automatic doors and Bluetooth earpieces and electronic tablets that you could write on with a stylus.
My buddy and I grew in simple(r) times. Phones were big clunky things with rotary dials. TV was just going color and the NBC peacock was an exciting thing. Radio dramas were just dying out. The space age was just being born. Telecommunications satellites were a new thing and trans-Atlantic calls were wildly expensive.
When I went on my global walk-about at 18, I sent postcards (when I could afford it), and a trans-Atlantic call meant a day at the telegraph office, making an appointment, sitting in a booth with a meter, and waiting 3-5 seconds for replies from the other end. And that was Europe - North Africa and the Middle East were out of the question, and Asia was a technological wasteland.
In a single lifetime, speaking of my great aunt Tish, folks went from covered wagons (when her family moved to Texas in 1898, to being afraid of comets (Halley in 1910), to super highways and global telephony.
Yes, here I was, talking to my buddy on the East Coast while sitting at the breakfast table in Jakarta, having a real-time vidchat in living color. And since I was using my tablet (with stylus), I could go out on the patio to smoke and show him some of the fun stuff in Indonesian neighborhoods. I was daybreak here and just after dinner there. Dr. Floyd was only 200 miles up in orbit, we were 10,000 miles apart, as the crow flies.
I thought about he and I riding our bicycles on Saturday afternoons down at Buffalo Bayou. Chevrolet Bellaires were still new cars. A gallon of gas (not that we needed it) was 27 cents. The Gemini space program was still amazing stuff. And there were no home computers or video games or cell phones. We had to make our own fun.
"What happened to us?" my buddy asked, only partly joking about the sagging jowls and fading eye-sight. "Gravity," I said. We traded health-related crises and our various "procedures," a la Billy Crystal's brilliant speech in City Slickers.
We parted with vague threats to "do this more often."
"More often," I thought, "It's a miracle we can do it at all."
Here Thar Be Monsters!
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Showing posts with label back in the old days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label back in the old days. Show all posts
5.8.16
4.2.14
Old Fart Tales
I saw the Beatles live at the Coliseum in Houston in 1968.
I went to Super Bowl VIII at Rice Stadium in roughly the same time frame. It was between Miami and Minneapolis.
I watched every bleary-eyed moment of the Moon landings...all of them...live. Thanks Stanley!
I remember Kennedy's and Churchill's funerals.
I was required to take a gun to school in order to participate in school activities.
I am a registered marksman because of it.
There was a time when grandads were old men, now I is one.
J. Paul Getty and Howard Hughes were once measures of ungodly wealth, now it's Bill God-help-us Gates and people whose names are unpronounceable and all foreign sounding.
I found a $100 bill outside a notorious Houston nightclub one time. It was a fortune. Now it's only a tank of gas.
I used to buy gas at $0.27/gal and cigarettes for $0.45/pack.
Once upon a time, cold winters were just part of the cycle of life, now they're conspiracies.
When I was a kid, a president like Obama would've started a revolution.
I remember when unwed babies and welfare checks were embarrassing.
My first rodeo was at the Astrodome. Now spell check doesn't recognize "Astrodome". It was also the fat stock show, not the livestock show. PC language sucks.
Earth's coastlines are still pretty much where I left them, give or take a hurricane or two and global warming.
There was a time when surgeons only covered their mouths, but left their noses hanging out.
I was 2 years old when the last real president of the US died.
Remember when Polaroid pix were cool?
I was the family hero at 10 years old because I was able to disassemble the TV and take the tubes to Walgreen's for testing and made it work again.
I watched "Howdy Doody" and "Star Trek" in first run.
Remember Kaptain Kangaroo, Mr Greenjeans, Mr Rabbit, Dancing Bear? Yeah? You're old.
I remember when immortality was impossible, not a matter of time.
When I was a kid, smoking was cool.
China was once a place of incredible mystery...now it's the up and coming empire.
"Mandarin" still means "upper class".
I remember when Caller ID freaked me out.
To place an overseas call home from Europe, I used to go to the telegraph office, make a reservation and watch the meter spin while I talked to folks back home with a maddening time delay. Now I dial my cell phone or send a text message.
They still haven't found a cure for time zones.
Once upon a time, every human could name the latest astronaut. Now there aren't two dozen people on Earth who can name all the folks on the ISS.
They did that on purpose so we wouldn't know who's up there at any given time.
There was a time when the internet was called "teletext" and it came to a little screen attached to your phone. It was so wild.
Every Friday the air-raid horns would go off at noon and we'd have to duck and cover.
Now we know that duck and cover only makes countable shadows on the floor for victim roles.
There was a time when underarm deodorant came in little jars that you scooped up and rubbed under your arms. It was called "MUM".
I remember my first digital watch. It had two dials with numbers and I couldn't take my eyes off it. Back then, there was only the house clock and Mom and Dad's Wesclox alarm that was wound, not charged.
When I first started working on cars, I could open the hood and recognize every single part under it. Now I can't even find the damn engine.
Back in the old days, I had to paste my hair with soap and draw lines on my face to play older parts. Now I use nose putty to hide the lines and I still have to paste my hair to be bald...HAHAHAHA!
I still remember my first self-inflicted orgasm.
When I was a kid, dogs were man's best friend. Now it's against the law to say "man".
I had to apply for my Social Security number when I was 16. Most Merkans are born with them now.
My first drunk was on Wild Turkey at Kloesel's Steak House in Moulton, Texas, I was 14. I should sue them for serving a minor.
I had a pet cow named "Old Friendly" when I was a kid.
We used to sit around and listen to old folk tell tales. Now we stick 'em in institutions so they won't bother us.
I used to seek advice, now I give it. When did I cross the line of wisdom? No one ever called me a young fart, so how the hell can I be an old one?
I went to Super Bowl VIII at Rice Stadium in roughly the same time frame. It was between Miami and Minneapolis.
I watched every bleary-eyed moment of the Moon landings...all of them...live. Thanks Stanley!
I remember Kennedy's and Churchill's funerals.
I was required to take a gun to school in order to participate in school activities.
I am a registered marksman because of it.
There was a time when grandads were old men, now I is one.
J. Paul Getty and Howard Hughes were once measures of ungodly wealth, now it's Bill God-help-us Gates and people whose names are unpronounceable and all foreign sounding.
I found a $100 bill outside a notorious Houston nightclub one time. It was a fortune. Now it's only a tank of gas.
I used to buy gas at $0.27/gal and cigarettes for $0.45/pack.
Once upon a time, cold winters were just part of the cycle of life, now they're conspiracies.
When I was a kid, a president like Obama would've started a revolution.
I remember when unwed babies and welfare checks were embarrassing.
My first rodeo was at the Astrodome. Now spell check doesn't recognize "Astrodome". It was also the fat stock show, not the livestock show. PC language sucks.
Earth's coastlines are still pretty much where I left them, give or take a hurricane or two and global warming.
There was a time when surgeons only covered their mouths, but left their noses hanging out.
I was 2 years old when the last real president of the US died.
Remember when Polaroid pix were cool?
I was the family hero at 10 years old because I was able to disassemble the TV and take the tubes to Walgreen's for testing and made it work again.
I watched "Howdy Doody" and "Star Trek" in first run.
Remember Kaptain Kangaroo, Mr Greenjeans, Mr Rabbit, Dancing Bear? Yeah? You're old.
I remember when immortality was impossible, not a matter of time.
When I was a kid, smoking was cool.
China was once a place of incredible mystery...now it's the up and coming empire.
"Mandarin" still means "upper class".
I remember when Caller ID freaked me out.
To place an overseas call home from Europe, I used to go to the telegraph office, make a reservation and watch the meter spin while I talked to folks back home with a maddening time delay. Now I dial my cell phone or send a text message.
They still haven't found a cure for time zones.
Once upon a time, every human could name the latest astronaut. Now there aren't two dozen people on Earth who can name all the folks on the ISS.
They did that on purpose so we wouldn't know who's up there at any given time.
There was a time when the internet was called "teletext" and it came to a little screen attached to your phone. It was so wild.
Every Friday the air-raid horns would go off at noon and we'd have to duck and cover.
Now we know that duck and cover only makes countable shadows on the floor for victim roles.
There was a time when underarm deodorant came in little jars that you scooped up and rubbed under your arms. It was called "MUM".
I remember my first digital watch. It had two dials with numbers and I couldn't take my eyes off it. Back then, there was only the house clock and Mom and Dad's Wesclox alarm that was wound, not charged.
When I first started working on cars, I could open the hood and recognize every single part under it. Now I can't even find the damn engine.
Back in the old days, I had to paste my hair with soap and draw lines on my face to play older parts. Now I use nose putty to hide the lines and I still have to paste my hair to be bald...HAHAHAHA!
I still remember my first self-inflicted orgasm.
When I was a kid, dogs were man's best friend. Now it's against the law to say "man".
I had to apply for my Social Security number when I was 16. Most Merkans are born with them now.
My first drunk was on Wild Turkey at Kloesel's Steak House in Moulton, Texas, I was 14. I should sue them for serving a minor.
I had a pet cow named "Old Friendly" when I was a kid.
We used to sit around and listen to old folk tell tales. Now we stick 'em in institutions so they won't bother us.
I used to seek advice, now I give it. When did I cross the line of wisdom? No one ever called me a young fart, so how the hell can I be an old one?
Labels:
back in the old days,
getting old,
old farts,
when i was a kid
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