Here Thar Be Monsters!

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Lumpy Koalas And Other Stuff

Dateline-Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: For many years, I've wanted to come to KL. Imagine my cisappointment when it turns out to be Singapore, Jr.

Regular readers will know my animosity towrds the saccarine neo-fascist state called Singapore.  Western gourists love it because they can tell all their friends they've been to Asia without ever leaving the safety of their nanny security state.

KL is a rubber stamp of that grotesque place.  From the same damn plastic money that won't fold, to the painfully clean streets and clockwork traffic, KL is as bland and unthreatening as Ohio.

Oh sure, there are the Petronas towers and the dancing water show, which to me are just more ant piles and attempts at a cultural life, to be found in any major metropolis near you.

Hell, even the gobs of palm oil plantatioms passed on the endless journey from the airport to city centre look like Disney-fied versioms of jungle. Even the colors seem carefully chosen by Imagineers to be painfully unthreatening.

We're here on business, and lest you think that affects my perceptions, disabuse yourself of the notion.  I spent three months in deep jungle on business and had the survivalist wetdream.  The experience would have scared the hell out of those pretenders on that survival 'reality' show I never watched.  So, I am ready for about anything on business trips...

Except more of this bland Western imperialistic crap that passes for much of Asian culture anymore.

Perhaps this is what the Visigoths felt when they finally got fed up and sacked Rome.  They just couldn't take any more of those damn coliseums and vomitoriums.  Probably because they came with those damn Roman legions groping you at the door.

Anyway, back to KL.

I'm here to tour the national theater and look in on the rigging system before it ships.  Four days at the Hangingtree hotel in a rubber-stamped room over a consumer orgy called a mall.  I can't even bring myself to buy the usual refridgerator magnet because it looks just like the one fron Singapore.  The only difference is it, like all the tourist crack here, has two ant piles on it.  At least Singapore has their nifty little seahorse-lion logo.  It's the only thing that distinguishes it from all the other imperial strongholds of the world.

One thing here feels like home. Even though the roads are in good repair and there's almost no traffic - wildly different from Jakarta-there' not one damn right angle to be found.  So it takes for-freakin'-ever to go anywhere.  You have go jump down, gurn around and pick a bale cotton just to cross the bloody street.

Food, bed...doggie style?
Who'da thunk this Texas farmboy, Mr. Solitude, would miss the anarcho-silliness of life in Jakarta, a city of 20 million nuts packed into the space of Houston's innerloop?   I guess it's because Indonesia still has a flavor. Despite the empire's best efforts, it just can't turn that country into a rubber stamp.  You gotta respect the tenacity of those folks.  I love people who see law and order as something to be actively ignored and dismissed.

Hell, Facebook won't even let me log on because I'm not in my usual cubby hole.  I hate when corporations try to nanny me.  I'll watch after myself, Mark Zuckerburg.  Get the f¥£k out of my business!  Like FaceBook is so dzmned important I can only log on from my home country?!  Worried that someone won't get tagged correctly, or what?

Oh yeah, back to KL...what do you call someone from here?  Oompa-loompa?


From Hell's Half Acre

Dateline - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: So, here we are in KL taking a little time to work on the cultural life of the world and do all we can to elevate the spirit and increase intellectualism, and you guys let the planet go to hell in a handbasket.  What gives?  Can't we leave you guys alone for 10 minutes without all hell breaking loose? we have to do everything around here?

Here we've got Obammie letting slip the dogs of war and *POOF*, we've got ISIS popping up in Iraq withing days, and no one says the obvious that Obammie was in on the whole ISIS thing?  C'mon, this is such an obvious ploy to draw Iran out of its comfort zone and provide grist for the now-30-year campaign to take over and carve up that ancient land.

We're not even going to tread on the whole ISIS name thing and how it refers to an ancient Babylonian goddess names Eshtar (Easter) and how the goddess Isis is the model for the whole Mary Mother of God and Jesus thing.  We have an undying faith in the native intelligence of our readers here to put those pieces together all by themselves.

Then, we have the whole Pope wants new Third Council of Nicaea with his homey the Patriarch of Constantinople (aka Istanbul) on the 1,700th anniversary of the First Council of Nicaea in AD325.  In case your church history is a bit rusty, the First Council is the one that decided what was and wasn't canon for all of Christianity, and thus created what we call the Bible.  The second council in AD787 was notable for authorizing the worship of graven images, called icons lest you confuse them with the Old Testament ban on such things.  Both of these councils were part of seven ecumenical councils of the day to determine what was 'good' religion, and what was 'bad'.  So, what can we expect in 2025, when the Third Council gets done pontificating?

Not that any of it did much good, because a couple of centuries later, Pope Bonaface VIII declared the Vatican the center of the Universe and everyone ended up getting a divorce, called excommunication in relgion-speak.  By the way, if you're watching such things, it appears that Francis I is re-asserting Bonaface's Unam Sanctum making the Vatican the de facto One World Government and Official One Worl Religion...a papal decree that lies at the heart of our current state slavery issues.

And the worm turns...

Meantime, the US is experiencing an immigrant crisis, not unlike when the Irish, Italians, Russians, and all the other waves of immigrants came over.  The central factor in this problem is that the white folk ain't breeding fast enough to pay for the aging Baby Boom drag on Social Security, so the state needs more taxpayers and will hand out citizenship to anyone stupid enough to take it.  There's a reason that the number of folks giving up US citizenship is skyrocketing.  Why in the hell would a bunch of illiterate, nomadic farmers want citizenship?  Oh, looks like we answered our own question.

In other news, the Indonesian presidential elections are coming to a head on 9 July, with Soeharto II versus a not-so-eloquent JFK type.  It's neck-and-neck, if you believe the bought-and-paid-for polls, with accusations flying that one candidate is a closet christian, while the other is a closet dictator.  It's all rather exciting and a lot of folks are threatening to leave the country is one or the other gets elected, though the consensus seems to be that the JFK type will clean up corruption better than the Fascist.  Folks are banking on the rupiah to tank if the Fascist gets in.  Place you bets accordingly.

In Russia, Putin continues his campaign to be Alpha Male of the Year, and having some success at it.  All we know is that we attended the Russian National Day affair here in Jakarta and it was swank.  Ritz-Carlton ballroom, lots of fine food, free-flow vodka, and a slick multi-media presentation of the national anthems and a not-so-subtle plug for Russian business.  Considering the American ambassador is xenophobic, we hardly expect the US National Day to out-shine, especially since budgets have been tight for such things.

On the hearts-and-minds front, the Russian embassy is working to bring the Bolshoi Ballet to Jakarta, while the US embassy is now strip-searching people entering their compound.

In related news, our little 3-story, 3,000 sqm art and culture project proceeds apace.  The galleries are now open, with the museum and theater coming up fast.  We're working 15-hour days trying to get all the duckies in a row, though it's a bit like herding cats.  Who'da thunk there were so many damn moving parts in art?  We're wearing so many hats that our hair is falling out from the friction of changing them so much, not to mention the stress.  But hey!  No one can say we don't put our money where our big mouth is, right?  We go on and on about culture and art raising society and advancing intelligence, so here we are working our little deer-ee-ear off to make it happen.  So there.

So, it's all good.  God is in his heaven and all is right with the world, if you keep your sense of humor about the ridiculous games the so-called Poopers-What-Be keep playing.  These numb-nuts haven't changed their playbook in something like one-and-a-half millennia.  Talk about entrenched thinking.  Makes it easy to run circles around them, though.

In case it's been upper-most on your mind wondering what we've been doing here on the Far Side, now you know: laughing at the PWB, traveling to strange lands and laying waste, going to swank diplomatic parties, and bringing ice to the natives (see Mosquito Coast for this obscure reference).

Stay tuned for some impressions on KL.  To prepare yourself, see our many rants on neo-Fascist Singapore.

Peace, love and chili peppers...