The Apocalypse Diaries

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by Albrecht Durer

Yes, folks.  Out of the billions of people who have read the Bible over the past few millennia, one man has finally figured out the Code, the Secret behind the cryptic writings.  He alone has tapped the Great Unknown to reveal...

The End of the World as We Know It (TEOTWAWKI).

That's right, Harold Camping, of Family Radio fame, has determined that on May 21, 2011, at sunset, God will come and destroy the nice little planet He made because some bad apples screwed it up for everyone.  Oh, about that last prediction Harold made back in 1994?  He got the math wrong...just ignore that.

Let's forget that the word 'Apocalypse' has nothing to do with the world ending.  After all, the word comes from apo and kalyptein, which together mean 'lift the veil.'  In other words, to reveal something hidden.

Let's also forget that Harold figures the Great Flood happened seven thousand years ago (it was 3.2 million, actually, give or take an egg timer).  We are acting on faith here, and everyone knows that to have Faith means to deny what you plainly know in favor of someone else's pipe-dream.

Harold figures, based on some linguistic legerdemain, that Jesus died in early April A.D. 33, and since one of the prophets said that, in God's Eyes, a thousand years is but one day, then the crucifixion occured on God's Friday, and May 21st, at sundown, is the end of Sunday, so God is going to wipe out the Earth and throw everyone in Hell.

Harold Camping

Frankly, I've heard this EXACT same argument about, oh, let's see...a MILLION times.  Folks have been discovering secret codes and uncovering hidden math problems in the Bible since roughly A.D. 800.  It all involves this mysterious line, "To the Lord, a thousand years is but a day."  One line out of several hundred thousand, which ignores all the lines to the contrary, such as God promising Noah He won't go and wipe out the Earth again.

All these folks seem to forget a lot of other details, as well.  Like the fact there are dozens of apocalyptic books, not just the famous one by John the Divine (a.k.a., Revelations).  Then there's a whole mess of Jewish, Buddhist and Islamic apocrypha.  And then there's the extinct works of Egypt and Babylon.

Oh, and if we read Saul of Tharsis, popularly known as Paul, he was convinced the Second Coming would be in the lifetimes of his contemporary readers.  Peter thought that, too.  Couple of heavyweights there.

Really, if you read Revelations without all the crap that's been stapled to it over the centuries, it's a rather detailed description of the destruction of Jerusalem and the scattering of the Jews in A.D.70-77, by the Romans, who were getting rather tired of all the messiahs and revolts and such.

All this end of the world stuff, and the systems called Millennialism and Dispensationalism, were developed just a little over 100 years ago by a flim-flam man in Kansas, USA, by the name of Scofield.  Since that time, it has infected the entire world and now a billion or so christians are castrated.

Why?  Because they've all been told that Jesus is coming soon to straighten things out.  So why should they worry, or try to fix anything, or oppose the bastards taking over the world?  After all, Jesus will be here soon, so just sit back and relax and it'll all get sorted out on Judgement Day.

What a scam.  If you wanted to neutralize a billion people and prevent them from opposing anything you did, then convincing them that the End is Nigh is just about as good as it gets.  It's been highly effective.  Now christians will put up with any amount of crap, especially in Europe and the States, because Superman in on the way!  He's just rounding Jupiter and will be here at any moment!  So let the heathens take over and steal the wealth and life of millions of people!  They're all going to Hell in a few days!

On May 22nd, can we all forget about all this doom and gloom crap and start putting some bastards in jail?  There's a group of folks robbing the world blind while putting us all into abject slavery to them, and we are just sitting back swilling beer and watching the game, because hey!  Jesus is coming soon, or 2012, or Y2K, or ET, or any of a dozen other excuses to let someone else clean up our mess.  We allowed it to happen.  We were too busy playing video games and watching TeeVee and being entranced by our gee-gaws.  Now we have a real mess here and no one is coming to clean it up.  The world is not ending.  Jesus isn't going to separate the wheat from the chaffe.  ET ain't going to phone home.  2012 will be just another year (other then the economic catastrophe, which is the point here).

Mayan Calendar

Either we're busy living or we're busy dying, but waiting around for the Cosmic Maid to show up is just plain lazy and stupid.  The bullshit has been so deeply pounded into our brains that we can't see the Light for all the Darkness in the way.

If you need some inspiration from Jesus, then read the parable of the master who goes on a trip and leaves money with his servants.  Take a look at which one makes the master happy.  It ain't the lazy, frightened ones, I can tell you that.

If you're waiting on Jesus to clean up after you, then you've got about another 400 years until the next messianic age, when the Age of Auquarius finally dawns.  In the meantime, what are your great-grandkids going to say about you?  Will they even remember they had great-grandparents?  Will they curse our names?

Or will we start cleaning up this mess and quit pushing it off on some deus ex machina?