The News From Lake Woebegone

Well, the week has started off with a bang.

Over in Cilacap, Central Java, the Pertamina refinery blew up over the weekend, then the city was hit with a 7.3 earthquake this morning.  To all my friends at Pertamina, I hope none of you were there and that everyone is safe and healthy!

Last week, I told you the story of Repo Men, the CitiBank scandal and murder that is the talk of the town today.

Seems our buxom heroine was in charge of the Repo Men.  As police began poking around, they discovered that she had a rather large bank account, even for a bank employee.  So they poked a little more and found she had, among other things, a collection of very expensive cars.  With a bit more poking, it began to look like she, along with accomplices, may have swindled customers out of AT LEAST $2 million.

What's worse, the victim was a big wig in the National Unity Party (PPB).  Thus, the plot thickens.  A victim who is a politician and a muckity-muck in the PPB gets overcharged by $6,000 on his credit card.  He arranges to meet SugarBumps at the bank.  When he arrives, someone else meets him and takes him upstairs for a 'private meeting.'  At this point, he meets Guido, Bugsy and Knuckles.

Now rumor around town has it that SugarBumps was known for using her 'assets' to charm men into just about any agreement she could devise.  Apparently, her 'assets' where quite ample to the task, as she had a collection of Ferraris, Mercedes and other spiffy cars, not to mention a swell (and swollen) bank book.

The scene is so much fun, that even the Bank Indonesia (central bank) is getting into the fray.  They've called in their member banks and told them to 'review' their collections policies and procedures.  Seems people getting killed for over-charged credit cards is bad for business.

Maybe Citi will reform and reposition their branches here and change the name to Peyton Bank - THE Place to Bank!  They'll probably cash in with a soap opera of the same name.

The fun never ends here in the 'Land of My Water" (tanah airku).  We got it all!  Earthquakes, volcanoes, tidal waves, refinery explosions, and over-zealous debt collectors.

Oh, and I almost forgot!  BP inked a deal today to do a Command Repeat Performance of the Gulf of Mexico disaster here on the Far Side.  They promised they can do a lot more damage when they have some of the greatest coral reefs and rarest fish species on Earth nearby.  I, of course, am holding me breath!  I can't wait to see the fun!

And did I mention that China has backed off slightly on its 'one child policy?'  Seems after of couple of decades of social engineering, they've managed to create an entire generation of nothing but males.  Ah, those nagging unintended consequences just keep biting you on the tail.

We can at least be thankful that the Koreas are quiet, for the moment.  And Thailand and Cambodia have stopped shooting each other over a sacred temple, for the moment.  And China and Japan have stopped pissing on a couple of islands surrounded by oil, for the moment.  The best part?  Everything north of the equator and west of the date line glows in the dark now.

Of course, in the West it's so much better.  There's just America killing Libyans to prove they want to save them, while at the same  time doing everything they can to stir up more fun and rockets around the region.  In fact, the US/UN backed candidate in Ivory Coast took a page from the US playbook and slaughtered 1,000 people.  The US is, of course, 'deeply concerned.'  But not as much oil there as in Libya.  They'll have to wait till later for a proper invasion.

And all the while, Ireland and Portugal are flushing down the crapper of history.  But don't pay any attention to that.  Qaddafi is still in power, after what...30 years?  One Saturn orbit.  Hmmm, I wonder if there's some kind of occult symbolism there?  Naw...especially not with Pluto entering the Great Rift over there in front of the Milky Way.

Slap me!  I nearly forgot Prince Willie and What's-her-name are getting married at the end of the month.  Well, she is.  Willie won't wear a ring.  Guess he still intends to play around a bit after the ceremony.  Know one will know that he's married, right?  They're tying the knot on the anniversary of the Charilie and Di Show, too.

Which reminds me that April 19th is coming up.  Among other things, it's Hitler's birthday, the anny of the BP MIHOP in the GOM, the anny of Clinton's bar-b-que party in Waco, and whole list of other fun events in history.

It's going to be an exciting month, full of drama and amazing events!  Get your beer and popcorn ready!  I'm so excited, I want to write the summary report right now!

See you on the other side!