Top 10 Wonkiest Films Of All Time

won·ky

   [wong-kee]  Show IPA

adjective, -ki·er, -ki·est.

1.

British Slang .

a.

shaky, groggy, or unsteady.

b.

unreliable; not trustworthy.

In keeping with the holiday spirit, we offer our list of wonkiest films of all time.  Since the readers of this blog are highly intelligent, they aren't out pepper spraying all of creation to get a $2 waffle iron, so they need something to entertain them in the meantime, while the madness dies down.

Since we have retreated to our World Headquarters in central Borneo, and all four wives are fighting with each other over who gets to give us the massage tonight, it's a good time to whip out the credit card, steer the dish, and tune in Netflix for a decafest of film madness.  So while the trained orangutan is out collecting fresh fruit at our bidding, and the wives are pulling each other's hair out, we plunk down in front of the pedal-powered plasma home theater and dial in some fun...
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10) It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963) - There is no way to describe this film other than to say Stanley Kramer takes over the God Chair and orchestrates a Who's Who of comedy from the 30s through the 60s.  It stars Spencer Tracey, Milton Berle, Ethel Merman, Jonathan Winters, Mickey Rooney...and on and on and on.  There's cameos from the Three Stooges, William Demarest, Andy Devine, Peter Falk...it's literally a cast of thousands, and all are genuine stars.  Makes us dizzy trying to spot them all.  Anyway, a random group of comedians witness Jimmy Durante fly off a cliff in his jalopy.  His dying words about a buried fortune sends them all on a wild chase across southern California, with Spencer Tracey as a cop on the verge of retirement who wants to jail all of them and take the loot for himself.  Endless fun (about 3 hours of it).

9) Rat Race (2001) - This is IAMMMMW updated for the attention-deficit crowd, with Jerry Zucker manning the God Chair.  This is one of those flicks we've watched numerous times, and still get side cramps laughing.  The winch up the RADAR tower, the cow-balloon, the Hitler museum.  John Cleese is the quintessential smarmy TeeVee host and Cuba Gooding turns in a very nice straight-man role.  Basically, a bored multi-millionaire sets up a mad dash for cash across the southwest US by randomly selecting gamblers at a Vegas casino.  The results are truly hilarious.  Seth Green leaves me breathless on the floor with his tongue piercing alone.  Lots of cameos and whacked out scenarios.  You might even watch it twice in a row, if you can breathe...

8) Phantom of the Paradise (1974) - Take Phantom of the Opera, shake well with Dorian Grey and mix in some Spinal Tap, and you are almost ready for this wonky gem.  Paul Williams (remember him?) sells his soul for fame and fortune, and the whole thing is caught on tape.  William Finley discovers the secret and wants to expose Williams to the world, but Swan (Paul) tries to off him by squeezing his head in a record press.  Now with a hit song permanently etched on his face, Finley sets about to destroy Williams and win the heart of the girl he loves by haunting the rafters of a major disco where all the top acts (also sold to the devil) perform and rise to mega-stardom.  Brian de Palma mounts the God Chair, so you know its got style, even if it's way out in Wonky Land.  Cross and double cross as Faust meets glam in a weird and wonky piece of celluloid that will entertain while it mystifies...so how DID de Palma become so famous?  Our favorite scene is when Beef gets electrified, but the costume of the Phantom is very cool, and Frank Lloyd Webber only wishes he were this creative.

7) Myra Breckenridge (1970) - This is one of those great films that no one every watches because it scares most people.  It's so cerebral and strange and...well, wonky, that few folks make it past the mid-point, but stick with it!  It's God Chaired by Michael Sarne and stars Rex Reed, John Huston, Rachel Welch, Mae West, and dozens of other top talent.  This movie launched the careers of Tom Sellek and Farah Fawcett.  The scene with Tom and Mae West supposedly recreates the way she discovered Cary Grant...classic Mae.  Rex gets a sex change from a druggie doc and becomes Rachel with an audience watching.  John Huston runs an acting academy where Rex/Rachel show up to claim its inheritance.  Mae runs a talent agency that only handles leading men.  It's all really wonky and you have to watch it to believe it.  Absolutely bizzare flick.  This is Fame on acid!

6) Kelly's Heroes (1970) - The 70s turned out a lot of wonky film, and this is no exception.  Clint Eastwood leads a stellar cast of misfits in WWII.  Let's see, this is Dirty Dozen meets Catch-22 with a healthy dose of MASH (see below) and Ocean's Eleven (original).  Eastwood is a disgraced officer who gets an earful from a dying Nazi about a shipment of gold bullion.    He gathers up a few cronies and goes rogue to find the gold and disappear into mists of time.  This is the movie Three Kings wishes it were, if Clooney weren't such a propaganda tool.  Brilliant story and irreverent comedy with war satire squeezed in edge-wise.  Makes a great double feature with MASH or Catch-22, and kills an anti-shopping afternoon with style and grace.

5) M*A*S*H (1970) - No, this ain't the TeeVee show.  Yes, it's brilliant.  And yes, Robert Altman in the God Chair is a cinematic deity!  Hawkeye (Sutherland) and Trapper John (Gould) do everything they can to undermine the Korean War effort, one patient at a time.  This movie is jaw-droppingly wonky, from the last supper for the dentist with the huge manhood (origin of the famous theme song), to Hot Lips and Frank lighting up the screen with screwball passion, this is one weird flick.  If you're a fan of the TeeVee show, but have never seen the movie, then don't look for Klinger.  Just enjoy the complete mayhem caused by two doctors with consciences who refuse to get with the program.  Rober Duvall (good Texas boy) is brilliant as Frank Burns, and Roger Bowen brings a whole new level of clueless to Henry Blake, especially with his shadow Radar O'Reilly, who's the only cross-over actor to the TeeVee series.  Most folks sit gap-mouthed through the credits trying to figure out what they've just watched.

4) The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976) - We've always suspected David Bowie is an alien, and this movie proves it.  Nicholas Roeg fills the God Chair and guides an all-star cast through a very strange and ephemeral story of an alien come to Earth to get water for his planet, but crashes and must raise money to build a craft to get home.  He does it by 'inventing' all sorts of cool gee-gaws and patenting them to create an Apple-like empire.  Maybe this is the true story of Steve Jobs?  Rip Torn, Buck Henry and Candy Clark round out a wonky cast for a wonky story about wonky stuff.

3) PI (1998) - Darren Aronofsky does everything behind the camera, and Sean Gullette does everything on.  This is just a plain wonky flick.  A math major type discovers a pattern in the value of PI that appears to be the key to Life, The Universe and Everything.  He turns his New York dive into a supercomputer from spare parts, which does something weird with ants, and makes the 'hero' mega-paranoid as he digs deeper into the mystery he's found.  It's got everything that Mel Gibson's 'Conspiracy Theory' wishes it had: street bums playing mendelsohn, fawning girlfriends bringing pizza, ultra-wise math professors, kabalist Jews at the Gates of Hell.  The scene were he drills his brains out is great!  Oh, and some really cool camera work where it's strapped to the actor's body and locked on his face, so that the world around him swirls out of control.  Very cool!  We want to use that for something one day!  In the end, you learn the Name of God.  it's in the Bible if you know where to look...

2) The Illusionist (2006) - This little gem stars Ed Norton (one of our favorites) is a classy rendition of the old Bill Bixby TeeVee show, The Magician.  Ed is a master illusionist in turn-of-the-century Vienna.  He gets smitten with a hoity-toity woman of the uber-klassen, who then gets engaged to the Crown Prince of Austia-Hungary.  Ed proceeds to use all the magic at his disposal to confound the marriage and destroy the whole royal family.  Now that's LOVE, baby!  It's got an excellent score by Philip Glass and some of the scenes are shot in Cesky Krumlov, which is an incredible place in Czech Republic that has it's own magic.  Lots of twists and turns, and a great way to burn an afternoon non-shopping.

1) The Rocly Horror Picture Show (1975) - This is the King of Wonk!  We don't know about you, but we sat through hundreds of midnight showings all through high school, with our box of props and our script of 'proper responses' to the film's lines (What's for dinner, Mommy?  Meatloaf!)  There's nothing quite as wonky as this flick.  There is the barest of plots, some mediocre music, some really strained acting, but for some reason, it's really entertaining.  Barry Bostwick can almost sing, and Susan Sarandon spends most of the flick in bra and slip.  Time Curry was born to play Frankenfurter, Charles Grey IS the Criminologist, and we had teenaged fantasies about Lil Nell, especially in the swimming pool scene.  Richard O'Brien wrote the original stage play and stars as Riff Raff.  Hint: if you want the perfect part, write it for yourself.  Watching this flick again will make you feel as if you've fallen into a Time Warp, but it will Make You A Man as you wonder Whatever Happened to Saturday Night.  Listen for Nixon's resignation speech when Brad and Janet get a flat tire, and see if you aren't tapping your toes by the closing credits.  Makes a great double feature with The Man Who Fell to Earth.  And just whose lips ARE those in the opening credits?
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Honourable Mention: Goes to Ken Russell, the recently-deceased Wonkmeister himself.  His stuff was SO wonky that he deserves a list all his own.  He gave us such memorable wonkiness as Altered States and Lair of the White Worm.  But he is perhaps best remembered for Tommy, the film based on The Who's rock opera.  Ann Margaret swimming in baked beans is forever etched in my mind, as is Elton John in massive boots.  He only comes out when I drink my gin...  Hat's off, oh mighty Wonk-a-nator!

So, that's it for this round.  We think you'll be sufficiently wonked out by the time you choke down this list.  You'll notice that the 70s figure heavily into this list.  There was an explosion of wonk at that time, as the stress of moon landings and Viet Nam wars and race riots was causing everyone to get a little wonky, not unlike the current era.  Wish it was producing the same kind of strangeness, though.

Hope you enjoy the selections and don't blame us it your brain oozes out of your ears by #3 or so.  At least we didn't devolve into Boob Toob and Kentucky Fried Movie.  We kept it somewhat high-brow...ish.

At any rate, it will definitely keep you from getting mauled in the mall.  Happy viewing and write when you recover!
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UPDATE: One of our faithful and highly intelligent readers has submitted a wonky nominee, which we actually have NOT seen yet!  We know that sounds highly improbable, but it does rarely occur.  He offers "Idiocracy" (2006) a creation of the wonk master Mike Judge, who many will recall is the creator of such wonky material as "Beavis and Butthead," "Office Space," and the animated wonkiness of "King of the Hill."  On top of that, Judge is a good Texas boy, so we are compelled to mention him.  At any rate, Idiocracy has Luke Owens being hibernated in a military experiment, whick gets cancelled and he is forgotten for 500 years.  Now Luke's character ain't the brightest bulb in the festive holiday display, but the world he awakes in makes him look like Einstein on steroids.  One can well imagine this scenario coming true, when one surveys the current mental landscape.  Thanks to our great readers!

Top 10 Movies That Time Forgot

Every now and then, we just gotta lighten things up around here.  So on occasion, we whip out one of our ever-popular movie lists.  We try to think of great flicks that meet all the qualifications for exceptional entertainment, and in the case of today's list, have all but been forgotten over the years. In some cases, they were not made in America, which means a lot of folks just never watched them.  Though listed 10 to 1, they really don't appear in any particular ranking.  Just a handy means to keep things organized, and create a little suspense..

So, without further ado, get out the credit card, warm up Netflix, and get ready for some top-notch entertainment.
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10) Bagdad Cafe (1987)- This little German gem has Percy Adlon in the God Chair and Chief Hack, too.  It features a really fun performance by Jack Palance, along with co-stars Marianne Saegebrecht and CCH Pounder.  A quintessential German housewife is abandoned in the middle of nowhere California with a suitcase full of men's clothes.  She ends up at the title cafe, where she proceeds to clean things to within an inch of perfection, as well as change the lives of everyone around her.  The plot device Saegebrucht uses is her ability to perform magic, which is the key to her acceptance by the locals.  We recommend this one just for Jack's performance, but we think you'll be thoroughly entertained by the whole story.  If you look sharp, you may notice several homages to famous films and artists.

9) RoboCop (1987)- About the same time as the last film came out, this masterpiece by Paul Verhoeven showed up.  Updating Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein' to the cyborg age, while placing tongue firmly in cheek, Verhoeven's direction masterfully walks the line between morality tale and farce.  If you could tone down the Zucker brothers enough to put a little serious social commentary in between the sight-gags, you would have this film.  We loved it so much, we even worked on the sequel, which got the style right, but missed the subtle jabs at modern society.

8) Silent Running (1972)- We love Bruce Dern, and this is his tour de force in what amounts to a one-man show.  Douglas Trumbull mans the God Chair as he perfects his special effects wizardry, so evident in '2001: A Space Odyssey.'  In fact, '2001' was supposed to go to Saturn, not Jupiter, but Trumbull couldn't perfect the rings to the point Kubrick was satisfied.  Trumbull succeeds with magnificent results in this flick.  The film itself is a ecological morality play, with Dern watching over a spaceship full of plants that have all disappeared on Earth.  Due to a budget crunch, Dern and his crew are ordered to destroy the terrariums and come home.  Dern doesn't cotton with that idea, and goes rogue in a ship called, wait for it, Valley Forge.  Dern's in his prime as he teeters on the edge of insanity, and turns in a much more realistic man-alone than Tom Hanks did in 'Cast Away'.  And we think Hughey, Dewey and Louie are the grand-bots of R2-D2.

7) The Milagro Beanfield War (1988)- Robert Redford takes a spin in the God Seat for this screen version of John Nichols' excellent novel and screenplay.  If you've ever lived in New Mexico, this movie will definitely make you smile.  It captures the other-worldly feel of life in the State That No One Knew.  It's told through the eyes of a kid who's been assigned to New Mexico by Peace Corp.  Apparently, someone didn't know that the state was part of America.  The kid gets caught up in a passive-aggressive war between a dirt farmer and corporate America.  The farmer performs a revolutionary act by watering his beanfield.  Events swirl out of hand and things come to the verge of all-out shootin' wars.  A top-notch cast turns in some really nice performances and Redford does a great job of caturing the magical southwest backdrop.  We were sad, though, that el brazo de Onofre didn't make it into the film version.  That was one thing that made the books shine.  A fun afternoon killer.

6) The Andromeda Strain (1971)- We turn to Robert Wise and Michael Crichton to keep the New Mexico theme alive.  Crichton, of course, created 'Jurassic Park', among many other sci-fi thrillers.  And this film, despite 40 years, still holds up well, especially since the story is so good.  Sure, the teletype and computer monitors are a tad dated, but you can still imagine this happening today.  It's got a veritable who's-who of 70s B-flick actors, who all do great jobs of playing scientists playing God.  Wise does a masterful job building and maintaining suspence, as the scientists race against time to find an alien disease returned on a space probe.  Even now, it leaves us breathless at the end, with obstacle after emergency.  By the way, Trumbull did the effects for this flick, as well.  He practically single-handedly created our cultural imagine of the future.  The guy who cut Ang Lee's 'Hulk' could've learned a thing or two about split-screen here.

5) The Adventures Buckaroo Bonzai Across the Eighth Dimension (1984)-  Speaking of RoboCop...W. D. Richter, probably best known for his flick 'Big Trouble in Little China', fills the God Seat for a wild and very strange ride through higher dimensions.  Peter Weller plays the title character, who's a kind of perverse Indiana Jones, being a brain surgeon, rock star and comic book hero.  If nothing else, this movie is worth it for John Lithgow's performance as a mad Italian scientist.  His invention opens a door to the eighth dimension, through which step the Leptoids (Red and Black).  Buckaroo races against time to stop the alien invasion, seal the hole in space, capture the evil scientist, and cut a new chart-topping single, while signing copies of his comic books.  We really like the score by Bones Howe, and Yakov Smirnoff's National Security Adviser is hysterical.  Turn off your higher reasoning and just sit back, and try to keep your jaw from going slack.

4) The Man Who Knew Too Much (1934)- Alfred Hitchcock is one of the few directors to have done his own re-make.  We are partial to the original, with Leslie Banks and Peter Lorre.  A 'regular guy' is sent on a wild ride by the dying words of a murder victim that he happens upon.  This is one of our favorite Peter Lorre roles, outside of House on Haunted Hill.  In typical Hitchcock fashion, we are kept in the dark along with the main character.  Lots of good twists and turns and ranks among the top who-done-its.  Hardcore movie buffs will want to do a double feature with the Jimmy Stewart/Doris Day version.  Interesting to see how Hitch re-imagined and re-packaged the story for an American audience.

3) The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)- If you haven't figured it out by our other lists, we'll come right out and admit it...we love Terry Gilliam.  We've always been entranced by his incredibly unique visual style.  This movie is probably his defining opus, though one of his least known.  This movie has so many fine performances and such a rich visual texture, that it is hard to put labels on it.  John Neville's Baron is an absolutely flawless characterization.  He inhabits a world of endless creativity and child-like imagination.  The film has always struck us as the 'Time Bandits' he would have made, if George Harrison had given him a little more money, but the story is completely different and even more compelling.  Gilliam's animation background with Monty Python is on full display, and his penchant for warped characters and talented actors come together to create a film that children and adults can enjoy on many levels.  We've paired this with 'Wizard of Oz' for a truly twinged double feature.

2) My Fair Lady (1964)- OK, we confess a soft-spot for musicals.Never been much for Barbara or Bette, but the classics have a place in our collection, as does Bob Fosse.  Even though Rex Harrison taught Lee Marvin everything he knows about singing (see 'Paint Your Wagon'), this is one of those movies that leaves you singing show tunes for a week.  This is also the quintessential British fantasy, changing everything to suit their ideal of beauty, and screwing it all up in the process.  This is one of the best musicals for seamlessly blending the singing with the action.  George Cukor keeps the Hand of God light and airy, Lerner and Lowe turn in an excellent score, book by G. Bernard Shaw, and Jack Warner personally produced it.  This is definitely one to dust off and remind yourself how good movies used to be.

1) Duel (1971)- Steven Spielburg remakes his graduate student film with Dennis Weaver taking the lead.  We don't know about you, be we always liked Dennis Weaver, even as a hick sheriff from Tay-ohs in McCloud.  Here, he's Harvy Milquetoast running for his life from a semi-truck from Hell.  Your heart starts pumping just looking at the fear in Dennis' eyes.  This is Steve McQueen's Bullit without the bravado and testosterone.  We are not told who or why is trying to kill Weaver, as he plays cat and mouse across the southwest.  One can imagine a young Steven King watching this and getting the idea for Christine.  The suspense is well done and we can see why Spielberg went on to greater things.  If you can find his original student film, it's worth a double feature to see how money makes movies better.  It also pairs up nicely with Hitch's Psycho.

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So that's our list for this weekend.  We'll be back soon with more bitching and griping.  Until then, it's always nice to take a break from reality, dust off some oldies-but-still-on-DVDs.  Of course, there are so many more we could add to this list.  Ater 120 years of motion pictures, there's plenty out there to explore.  Heck, Orson Wells alone could fill up a weekend.

And hey!  If you don't like any of our selections, just think how much you paid for the information!  We think there's something for everyone here.  So enjoy the weekend and get a bit of rest.  The fun is yet to come.

Top 10 Most Overlooked Films of All Time

Since it's the beginning of the Long Holiday here in the archipelago, we've retreated to the LFS World Headquarters, deep in the jungles of Borneo.  In order to survive the wilds, we are swilling bathtub gin, burning Mother Jungle, slathering our delicate skin with mud to fight dengue fever, and soaking in the savory smell of bar-b-qued monkey meat and fried bananas.

Same ole same ole.

Being the egotistical numbnut that we are, we decided it would be fun to share our movie selection for the Holiday.  Funny how names like Connery, Crichton and Perlman show up repeatedly on this list.  If you're an aspiring movie mogul, you might want to avoid these names.

Since Obama is doing golf and reading fiction on the Vineyard, we're gong one better by watching some of our all-time favorites and playing tonsil hockey with our four wives.  Of course, we can only occupy one of them at a time, because someone has to pedal the generator to keep the TeeVee and internet going.  So warm up the NetFlix and settle in for some prime flickery (I made that up, so don't forget where you got it).

10. The Driver (1978) - Walter Hill wrote and helmed this gem, starring Bruce Dern at his sneering best as a flee-bitten detective trying to catch Ryan O'Neal, who's a getaway driver.  It becomes a battle of wits as the two try to out-maneuver each other in a tense cross/double-cross story.  Good acting, good story and great late night fare.  One of our perennial favorites.

9, The Prestige (2006) - This is Nolan brothers product and it shows.  Great story that takes us places we never see.  It's entertaining, suspenseful and really well acted.  It teams Christian Bale and Michael Caine of Barman fame, with Hugh Jackman of mutant fame.  David Bowie takes a spin as Nikola Tesla in a very interesting role.  This one's got more twists than Nadia Kominska and was virtually invisible when it was released.  Many real gems are...

8. Quest for Fire (1981) - This one got a little attention back when, mostly because Rae Dawn Chong is stark, shivering naked throughout the whole movie.  It features our vote for most overlooked actor, Ron Perlman, in the first role I can remember seeing him in.  There's no dialogue that's intelligible, which is why so many folks overlook it, but it's a damn fine movie and very well done.  It's a French film by Jean-Jacques Annaud, which is another reason it's so overlooked, but even the Frogs score one every now and then (can you say La Femme Nikita).  We love this flick when our inner caveman needs a little boost.

7. Suspicion (1941) - This is probably Alfred Hitchcock's best overlooked film, and with Cary Grant and Joan Fountaine as his cattle, it's hard to go wrong.  Cary's at his dashing best as a ne'er-do-well rogue with a gambling problem.  He woos Joan into marrying him, but she soon finds out his true inner-self.  She starts down the road to wild paranoia, and we have no idea what is coming.  By the end of the flick, she's convinced even the way he blinks means he's going to kill her for her money.  Heck, just the scene with Cary bringing a glass of milk up the stairs makes your skin crawl (there's a flashlight in the glass to make it glow).  The scene driving up a mountain road is classic, as well.  This film stands the test of time with good story and oodles of suspense.

6. A Fish Called Wanda (1988) - Charles Crichton conducts an all-star symphony of comic capers in this true gem of a flick.  This is probably Kevin Kline's most memorable role (love the boot sniffing) and John Cleese nails the stuffy, middle-aged barrister.  Michael Palin's hapless assassin will keep you gasping for breath.  This is actually one of those films we have watched twice back-to-back, it's that good.

5. The Swimmer (1968) - Almost no one remembers this flick.  It's got Burt Lancaster (we should all look this good at 52) rippling and flexing his way through a series of swimming pools as he decides to swim across suburban Southern California on his way home.  Behind the scenes, it was a mess, with a couple of directors (including Sydney Pollock) warming the God Seat.  On-screen, it's John Cheever's great short story brought to life, perfectly capturing the angst of the WWII generation, as they faced aging and the eternal question, "Is this all there is?"  Burt's character is revealed through a series of vignettes in a truly unique plot device.  This is one of those 'thinker' movies, and well worth the Friday night in front of the Toob.  And as our generation gets older, it's good to see those in front of us had the same thoughts and fears.  Waaaay overlooked!

4. Looker (1981) - Michael (Jurassic Park) Crichton spins another 'evil media' flick in the vein of Network and Videodrome, with some heavy-weight talent...Albert Finney and James Cobern.  Finney is a surgeon who gets tangled up in a mystery after his supermodel patients start kicking the bucket.  What he discovers is pretty much what we all take for granted in TeeVeeLand today, so it will make you think twice about what you're watching, and how you're being manipulated.  See if you don't spot seeds for things like the memory eraser in Men in Black  Great flick!

3. The Name of the Rose (1986) - There's a good reason why this is one of our favorites.  Jean-Jacques Annaud weasels his way on the list a second time by making what we consider one of the great flicks that no one remembers.  He brought Ron Perlman with him to create one of the strangest characters we've ever seen.  And that's saying a lot, especially when it comes to a flick full of strange characters, with Sean Connery and Christian Slater playing Holmes and Watson Do the Middle Ages, in monk's robes.  It really is a great mystery story with lots of history sprinkled liberally around the set.  It's also got a really hot 'love scene' with the 15-year-old Slater in his big debut.  It's also were we discovered his habit of leaving his mouth open for two hours...check it out in any Slater flick.  F. Murray Abraham (Texas boy)  plays a real-life Inquisitor named Bernardo Gui, who will make your skin crawl.  You'll watch this more than once.

2. Caesar and Cleopatra (1945) - Claude Rains.  Vivien Leigh.  Bernard Shaw.  Nuff said.  Shaw even wrote the screenplay for this.  One of our favorites.  We've even played the character Britannus on stage.  The grandfatherly Julius Caesar falls for the lively and juvenile Cleopatra.  Features Shaw's wry pokes at society and his signature comedic play on manners with battling Titans.  I never see this flick on a list anywhere, so this is true overlooked material.  Especially considering the sheer tonnage of screen talent running though this one.  High quality.

1. Time Bandits (1981) - One of the most overlooked directors teams with one of the most overlooked film producers to create on of the finest overlooked films of all time.  Terry Gilliam not only fills the God Seat, he redesigns it.  This flick literally has it all.  A group of dwarves steals the Supreme Bering's Map of Everything and go on a trans-dimensional crime spree.  They pick up a kid along the way and the story is through his eyes.  Its a fantasy set in reality that appeals to any generation who watches it.  David Warner's Evil Genius is sheer talent, as is Ralph Richardson's Supreme Being.  George Harrison (Beatles) produced this shining cinematic jewel.  The masterful creativity that Gilliam brings to his products makes his filmography one of the most overlooked work of all time.  His films are like Truth, they are eternal, and his stories tell more reality than reality TeeVee, without showing reality at all.  If you are faced with an empty day (Gawd willing n da crick don't raz), then order up a Gilliam film festival.  It'll leave you gob-smacked.
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So, there you are.  It took us as long to write this list as it will take to watch it.  We did it all for you, dear reader.  Oh, and how could we forget our runner-up overlooked flick: Amadeus.  Just watch it.  Preferably as a double-feature with The Name of the Rose.  Two great F. Murray Abraham performances.

We're off to entertain the wives now.  We have our legal bag limit of four, so it keeps us hopping over here on the Far Side.  We'll keep bringing you top-notch content like this, as long as we can keep the LFS satellite tasked.

Selamat Lebaran!

Sickhomeness

One of the best trilogies (in 5 parts) of all time is 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.' Of course, that's my opinion, but since it's my blog, that's all that matters. In the opening pages, Douglas Adams notes that the farther away from home a man gets, the stranger the look in his eye, and when Arthur looked into Ford's eyes, it nearly made him insane.

There is truth in that observation. You see it when you live overseas in the eyes of fellow adventurers. It is most extreme here on The Far Side. Part of it is due to the longing one feels for those comfort things that define 'home.' No matter how much one likes one's new home, or how comfortable one feels, or even how similar the new digs are to the old, there are still things missing that, when one closes one's eyes, one pictures in one's mind and calls them 'home.' Doesn't one?

I thought I would compile a short list of the things I miss about Texas. Texas is a great place, don't get me wrong, but it's been taken over by yankee carpetbaggers and Americans, so just as well I'm not there. Still, in my heart there are things that I miss and wish I could have here. So here goes. Feel free to play at home and see how your notes compare.

1. My daughter: 'Nuff said.
2. Blue Northers: the deathly calm before the storm, the Wall o' Weather headin' atcha, the wild wind and lightning, the sudden change from hot and muggy to cool and fresh. Nothing in the world like that.
3. Fat Texas Burritos: a massive tortilla, slathered with refried beans, taco meat, sour cream, tomatoes and lettuce, and piled with cheese. Pardon me while I wipe the drool off my keyboard.
4. Pork Loin: Mom's loin roast with garlic, rosemary and black pepper, crisp on the outside and tender inside, with a little brown gravy and new potatoes on the side.
5. West Texas: The Great Emptiness...driving down hiway 235 with a hundred miles of nothing on the longest, straightest road I've ever seen, doing 120 mph with the top down. And don't forget the endless horizon...
6. Fresh Mowed Lawn: lying on the grass, listening to the cicadas, the sprinkler chick-chick-chicking, a cold beer or seven in the cooler next to the hammock.
7. Elbow Room: ah, the feeling of being able to stretch out and knowing no one but the federal government is watching you. Nothing like a little privacy and 10 minutes' worth of solitude.
8. The Shooting Range: going down to the range on Saturday afternoon to pop off a few founds. Hell just having a gun in the house would be nice.
9. Quiet: Islam is the noisiest religion ever invented. I'd love to wake up with an alarm clock one day and not all the hollering at 4am.
10. Leg Room: I'd love to get in a car, on a bus or walk down the street and know that everything was laid out for someone 6'-2" tall.

Don't get me wrong, I love living on The Far Side. This is my new home and I am very happy here, but if I could just bring a few extra things, it would be perfect. Texas is pretty close to Heaven, but it's been infested with 'Merikans who think they have some claim to bung up the place.

I don't think anyone ever truly acclimates to a place that isn't home. The things that brought you comfort and joy as a kid stick in your subconscious and act like a homing beacon. There's a lot of things that override that impulse, but it is there, none-the-less, whispering in the background, tempting you with the sights, smells and sounds of home.

They say you can never go home. It is an imaginary place that no longer exists, if it ever did. To a certain extent, that's true. Home is what we call the memories that we cherish and the ideals we hold. Home is what we call the expected, even though the unexpected finds us anywhere. Perhaps there is some magic ratio of expected to unexpected that reaches a threshold called 'home.'

In any case, the farther one gets from home, as Douglas noted, the stranger the look in a man's eyes. Perhaps that is what we call the eyes of age, because even time takes us far from home, though the body stays planted in one spot. In that respect, home is truly where the heart is.

Kinda like baseball...you don't always make it home again, and even if you do, you always come from the opposite direction.