Thank You, Jussie!

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In all the recent hubbub over the Jussie Smollett Incident, we have forgotten one important civil duty: to thank him for his public service.

While he has done his job with great aplomb - entertaining the masses - and there has been a great amount of focus placed on his Emergency PR efforts and his Surgical Legal Team, no one has done this one simple act of politeness.

So let me be the first.  Thank you, Jussie, for making complete buffoons out of the elite.

If I were being paid (well) by Jussie to formulate his PR revival, I would have a much different take on things, and one that would likely work if handled properly (as only I can).

To place my disclaimer up front, I want to let Jussie know that I am available for consultation.  My contact information is at the top of this page.  My fees are far more reasonable than his current clueless PR Masseuses, and I am a lot better at it than they apparently are.

You see, Jussie did us all an enormous public service.  He exposed the GeezerMedia bias and the idiocy of the Nattering Celebrity Nay-bobs far better than Trump has done in the past three years, and Jussie did it in one night.

On a winter's night at well below zero in Chicago (a.k.a. the Windy City), Jussie had to have been bundled up like an Eskimo on night watch.  Any part of his flesh exposed to that kind of cold would have been frost bitten before he got to the Subway shop several blocks away, much less on the return trip to his apartment.  If you spit at that temperature, you can hear it crackle as it freezes before it hits the ground.

Furthermore, his sandwich would have been frozen solid within minutes of stepping outside, making it a formidable weapon, not to mention that the "bleach" the assailants carried would have been a solid block of ice, making it a far better assault weapon than naked hands (remember the scratches?) in sub-zero temps.

That anyone would have been waiting around at 2am on a night like that on the off chance that a gay black male would be trundling to the sandwich shop stretches credulity far beyond the breaking point.  That they would have been wearing exposed MAGA hats without an enormous fur-lined hood over them further seals the absurdity of the situation.  That they would say, "This is MAGA country," in Deep Blue Chicago is but the frozen cherry on top.  That they would have been prepared with a rope tied in a noose for just such an occasion is laughably ridiculous.

As if to add that extra touch that turns comedy into sublime satire, Jussie even wrote a check in the precise amount of $3,500 to pay the two men for their star turns as type-cast muggers.  If I were advising Jussie, I would even have put "hate crime services" on the memo line of the check.

The more of these preposterous details one adds up, the more this whole thing sounds like a Buster Keaton skit, or given the number of people involved, perhaps the Three Stooges.

Here at the Grover & Assoc. Spin Doctors and White Wash Specialists, we would have immediately jumped on these details and turned the narrative around.

Jussie, in fact, had set out to spoof the Geezer Media and troll the Nattering Celebrity Nay-bobs.  He had set up a scenario so blazingly farcical that only a gaggle of hypocritical, unthinking drones would fall for it - and they did with great fury!  Jussie's sole purpose was to show how uncritical and reactionary these over-paid, stuffed-shirt waggle-tongues are.

In fact, Jussie had contacted his manager a few weeks before to outline the plan (quick, get the manager on the phone to align the story), though to his credit, the manager said it might go wrong.  Jussie should have listened to him.

Yes, Jussie was trying to send a message to the whole country that the Progressive SJW Busybodies had gone 'round the bend.  They needed to be exposed, and Jussie, with his profound sense of public duty, had concocted a plan to do just that.

Perhaps Jussie went a bit too far with the waterworks on national TeeVee.  Perhaps he should have brought Chicago police in on the spoof a bit earlier.  But Jussie throws himself on the mercy of the Court of Public Opinion, and is willing to suffer any indignity as a Supeme Act of Selflessness for having done such a valuable service to society.

I don't know where Jussie found his PR team, but they aren't worth a frog's fart in a hurricane.  They certainly know nothing about spinning a good story out of bad cloth.  I'm here for you, Jussie, like a Bernays-inspired ambulance chaser!  Not only can I salvage your reputation, but I can make you the victim once again, this time of the Geezer Media with their deep, deep pockets.  Just ask the Covington Teens.

It is a sad statement on the American political environment that a man of highly average intelligence with a fairly average career could and would conjure up such a laughably obnoxious story such as this to earn SJW Brownie Points.

It's even sadder that this perfectly average man of perfectly average intelligence didn't have a back-up plan - so sure was he that this cockamamie story would actually fly.

He couldn't have waited another two months for more temperate climate?  He couldn't have hired two actual white guys wearing actual MAGA hats...better yet - KKK hoods with MAGA scribbled on them with Magic Market?  Hell, if Jussie had engaged us beforehand, we would have at LEAST put the assailants in whiteface to complete the utter insanity.

He couldn't have withdrawn cash over a period of several weeks rather than write a check for the assailants' services?

Given the overwhelming preponderance of goofs, gaffs and giggles in this story, who wouldn't believe that Jussie was staging a send-up to expose America's tender underbelly?  In fact, if Jussie were to hire me as his PR Savior, I would have every MAGA-loving red-stater on his side in about 10 minutes.  He would be assured of fame and fortune.  He'd likely be hired as a Fox News commentator by the end of next week.

Instead, Jussie has doubled, tripled and even quadrupled down on his story, and it's sinking faster than a cement-covered granite block.  It seems that his Ace Legal Team and PR Patchers are so ideologically hide-bound that they too can't find the right angle on this.  Instead, Jussie is paying them to dig him deeper into the morass.

Regardless of how Jussie spins this story, though, or what his ultimate fate will be, we do owe him a debt of gratitude.  He not only made monkeys of the Geezer Media, but he got the Glitterati of Hollywood and the Sour Creme of Washington scrambling to scrub their Tweets and add the word "alleged" to their pitifully limited vocabularies.

This has been one of the finest Circuses of Unintended Consequences ever devised by Mankind, and the tickets were absolutely FREE!

Jussie, I hear ANTIFA is looking for a Poster Child.  License your image and likeness now, before you hit the Gray-Bar Hotel for the next few years.  That way you'll be getting paid while you rot.

I know you are at the end of your rope, Jussie, but hang in there.  Don't beat yourself up over this.  It will all come out in the wash.  Just pick up the phone and we'll make it all go away.

Otherwise, enjoy the rent-controlled room and three free squares.  I hear the exercise yard is lovely this time of year.

Such a deal I have for you!  Operators are standing by!

Hate The Hate - Illogic 101

Your honor, respected members of the jury, I intend to prove that the defendant committed an illegal act called assault on my client.  I further intend to prove that because the defendant hates plaid Bernuda shorts, he committed a MORE illegal act - what we call a hate crime.

Among the most absurd and idiotic concepts to roll out of Western culture in the past few decades is the concept of "hate crime".  What the West has devolved into is a war of adjectives, where such incompatible ideas as "free speech" and "hate speech" can be held in one's mind simultaneously.

The concept of "hate crime" has two components: feelings and greater wrong.  Think of "hate crime" as similar the to Catholic Church's concepts of venial and mortal sins, some sins are greater than others.

Let's just examine the crime of murder for a moment.  All murders involve the means, motive and opportunity to commit the crime.  These are the three things investigators try to prove in an investigation.

Murder is further divided into degrees (first, second and third) and manslaughter, or crime of passion.  First degree murder requires the existence of mens rea, or the guilty mind.  In other words, a murderer is aware he is committing a crime.  It also requires malice aforethought.  Malice.  Hatred, Anger.

Long established Western law already assumes that a murderer has malice aforethought.  They are committing a crime out of hate or anger, and taking the time to think about it in advance.

So how in the hell can someone commit a hate crime if hate is already part of the equation?  If a murderer kills a black man because he hates blacks, that is a motive.  The hate part is already included in the definition of the crime.

Furthermore, if the punishment for murder is life in prison or death, then how can convicting someone of a hate crime make the punishment even worse?  The whole concept from top to bottom is contradictory, and is nothing more than a social hot-button used to try and convict someone in the media before they receive a trial.

In the case of hate speech, we have even more contradictions.  In this case, it is not unusual to hear someone rail in support of free speech, but then condemn hate speech.  How does a human hold these contradictions in a single brain without exploding?  Either speech is free, or it is not.  There can be NO exceptions for speech which one doesn't like.

Hate speech is also a completely arbitrary thing.  What you consider hateful could be music to my ears.  There is no established criteria for "hate", any more than there are solid legal definitions for "love".  Emotions cannot be defined or categorized.  They are irrational and as such apply differently to different people at different times.

If I allude to William Shakespeare by saying we should kill all the lawyers, have I committed a crime?  I have taken no action and caused no one harm.  I've only expressed an opinion, at the most extreme, and quoted a literary passage at the most benign.  And even if we assume that I could commit a crime through speech, is it worse because I have singled out one group, rather than insulting everyone everywhere?

Perhaps the vast majority of society agrees with me that we should kill all the lawyers.  Have I committed hate speech if the majority agree?  Or is hate speech only reserved for a select few or privileged minorities?

In the extreme case, I could be charged with hate speech against hate crimes for what I've written here.  It sounds absurd now, but the definition is completely arbitrary and is subject to the whims of society.

Here in the Muslim-dominated world, there is something similar.  It is called blasphemy.  It is an arbitrary designation for speech that assumes the accuser can speak for God.  The accuser pretends to know that God is offended by another's speech and can convict and even kill the accused based on this conceit without ever having to place God in the witness stand to find out if he was offended.

The West is far more secular and blasphemy laws went out quite some time ago because they were so absurd and arbitrary.  However, hate crime has taken its place and, like blasphemy laws, is used to persecute people that are hated by the establishment.

And here we come to the crux of the problem.  Hate crimes are not actually crimes, but rather a means of persecution against individuals or parties that are out of favor with the establishment.  Any CONTENT of speech that the establishment fears can be shut down by simply labeling it "hate".  There is no formal definition of criteria, just the emotional appeal to the masses.

Since the masses, on the whole, are quite stupid, they are easy to stir up with trigger phrases like hate crime or hate speech, and the establishment can rest assured that no one will think critically about what is actually being done.

Throughout time, governments and rulers have always come up with some term to punish rivals and thinkers.  Whether it's blasphemy, hate crime, sedition, or any of a number of other terms, most people only pay lip service to free speech and never internalize it enough to see when freedom is being attacked.

Hate crime is indeed a crime, but not in the sense of describing a murder or speech, but in the sense of how it is used to silence criticism in ostensibly free societies.  The definitions are vague for a purpose, so that the finger of accusation can be turned on whatever group or ideas are out of favor with the ruling class.

It is time to recognize hate crime for what it is, a crime of hate against the disfavored members of society.  The entire concept should be eradicated, or at the very least turned back upon the ruling elites, for it is they who are actually committing crimes of hate.

As I've said before, a revolution does not occur from within a system.  That is reform.  A revolution occurs when those outside the system see the criminal behavior of those within and tear down the entire system in favor of something more amenable to actual freedom.

If nothing else, hate crime is only a means to create favored victim classes in society to provide entertainment for the elites - and safety by redirecting and venting unrest.