Asses v. Dumbos - An American Ritual

Q has decided to take a little vacation since 10/10/18, leaving the Qniverse high and dry, and Q-vians scrambling for something to talk about during the run-up to the US mid-term elections.  Fear not, though, the acolytes assure us that Q is considerately refusing to add fodder to the GeezerMedia slop trough.

Not that there's been any shortage of things to entertain and enthrall.  One week, it was the crashing economy, then it was the mad MAGA bomber, now it's the Trump-hating synagogue shooter, and through it all has been the Central American invasion force now making its way through Mexico.  And who can forget the brilliant fiasco that was Elizabeth Warren's DNA test?

Honestly, even Kurt Vonnegut couldn't make this stuff up, and he came close in Cat's Cradle and Slapstick.

The Federal Reserve (which is neither) and Wall Street have been doing their level best to crater the US economy, which has been steaming along at a (reported) 3.5% growth rate, which is the best showing since George W. (Shrub) Bush allowed the World Trade Center to be demolished.  They even tried puffing up oil prices until that gadfly of US politics, Libya, started pumping again.

The bastast...I mean banksters have been pulling their money out of the markets, which promptly rebound.  They've raised interest rates, forcing folks to pay cash for everything - which they apparently have now.  The banksters have even tried blowing up oil prices, which turned right around and crashed again.

Just cain't win fer losin', my pappy always said.

The MAGA bomber was a real knee-slapper.  Get a load of the name: Cesar Altier Sayoc.  You know he's a lone nutcase because he has THREE names.  I'm holding my cramping sides and wiping tears from my eyes on this one.

A registered Democrat voter from Debbie Wasserman Schultz' district in Florida, who is apparently related to Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren, abuses steroids and recently plastered his van in pro-Trump paraphernalia (despite everyone else who does this being attacked by Bumbledick hordes), and hangs around locker-room showers, decided to build a bunch of movie-prop bombs and send them to every Democrat in danger of being prosecuted for high crimes and misdemeanors.

The best part is that some of the packages were reported to have arrived at the homes of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, in defiance of the fact that folks like this do not receive any mail at the their homes (it all goes through government security checks first).  This guy knew all the tricks, it would seem.

The best part is that this mental pygmy left fingerprints and DNA all over the place, as if he wanted the media to find his pro-Trump paraphernalia.  Obviously, that would be the furthest thing from his mind, since no one but a patsy would want that kind of attention if they were serious bombers, right?

And speaking of Elizabeth Warren, this Queen of Politcal Comeuppance went and shot herself in both feet by getting a DNA test and releasing the results, showing that she might have had a distant relative several hundred years ago that was at least part North American indian.  This Bumbledick genius highlighted the cultural insanity that is Political Correctness and exposed the silliness of Affirmative Action all with one tiny vial of blood or spit swab, whichever.

This, of course, was an insult to my children who are 1/8th Lipan Apache and have a photograph of great-grandmother to prove it.

Next, in the past few hours, some bozo walked into a Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, synagogue and shot up the place, killing 11 people and injuring some number of others.  I particularly enjoy the delicious irony of the headline: Vigils Held for Shooting Victims, considering "vigil" is the first office of the day among old-time Catholics.

This story, of course, is being touted as symptomatic of the "hate" that is swelling in America under Donald Trump, even though the shooter was anti-Trump and he lived in a part of the country experiencing phenomenal growth due to Trump's trade war with Asia (see steel industry in the US).

Running like woven rattan through all of this goofiness is the so-called Honduran Caravan, which is reportedly a bunch of women and children seeking refuge from oppression at home, despite having walked through at least two other neighboring countries on their way to the US border and the fact that nearly all unedited and unfiltered photographs show thousands of well-dressed and well-fed fighting-aged men riding on flatbed trailers. 

None of the GeezerMedia are asking the obvious question - how are these "untrained" refugees making better time on a 2,000-mile march than a well-trained and supplied army?

It's a bloody Bumbledick Miracle!

Apparently, no one gets the joke about calling this group of soldie...er, refugees a "caravan," since the word originates from the Persian (Iran) word karwan, and comes to English via the Arabic word qairawan, meaning "a group of desert travelers."  Considering how many ISIS militants are reported to be embedded in the horde, this bit of delicious irony does not escape our notice.

The jaw-dropping lunacy of contemporary American politics is without comparison to anything I can think of in history.  Not only is it glaringly transparent, it is just, well...silly.  Hell, even a Californian dunderhead Irishman with an Hispanic nickname is being touted as a serious contender for a Texas Senate seat, despite the fact that all his money is coming from Hollywood.

You know the elections are going to be fun, because the pollsters (who so successfully predicted Hillary Clinton's landslide win in 2016) have begun backing off their Blue Wave Democrat groundswell, just exactly the way they did in the last two weeks leading up to the Trump victory.

I personally subscribe to neither the Bumbledicks nor the Bucketheads.  I rather view them something like those corporations (can you say Procter & Gamble?) that sell the exact same products under a premium and a low-cost brand, so that you get the same result while paying for vaporous perception and image.

If I were forced to choose at gun-point, which may happen sooner than later, I would have to go with the Bucketheads, since the Bumbledicks have become little more than a punchline on the Blessed Assurance end of the Universe.  At least the Bucketheads act like they're serious - a feature that is probably more dangerous, in any event.

As happens regularly during the US political cycle, I remind readers to find a copy of P. J. O'Rourke's brilliant book, Don't Vote, It Just Encourages the Bastards.  Though it's hard to be funnier than the Bumbledicks, this book gives them a good run for the money, and will return more to the buyer than any campaign donation.

It might also be time to dust off those old Christopher Hitchens books to remind ourselves that there is nothing new under the Sun.

I would admonish the gentle reader to pray for the welfare of the nation, but that would violate every fiber of my constitution.  Instead, let us turn to Lysander Spooner and recall that the US has been a joke since nearly the moment of its birth.  One thing I do appreciate about Donald Trump, is the perpetual smirk on his face, belying the fact that he, too, knows it's all a perverse limerick. 

Global Schmarming

Scientists are mystified!  They can't imagine why!  What could possibly be causing this phenomenon?

What a bunch of yutzes, is all I have to say about it.  Apparently, they are grossly overpaid and hardly smart enough to open a can of dog food.

Or, they are looking for a graceful way out of 20 years of hysterical bullshit about global warming.

Take your pick.  Personally, I'll go with option #1.

If you didn't click the link, then you may be wondering what the heck I'm going on about today.  Actually, if you google up my name, you may still find some old articles dating back to the 90s where I said, rather eloquently, that global warming was a crock.  I have never believed any of it, and have gotten into many a verbal fisticuff with true believers who thought that humans, 1) could have that great an effect on the Earth, and 2) that warming was made whole cloth out of nothing, that it was a temporary cycle in the normal weather patterns.

If you mow down every living thing and pave over the bald spot with asphalt, then stick a thermometer in the middle of it...guess what?  It's hotter!  Duh...  If you put the same thermometer in the middle of a corn field on the same day at the same lattitude...guess what?  Cooler!  Duh...

Now, these numbnutted bucketheads are using all their fancy satellites to find out that clouds, in general, are getting lower.  They are completely dumbfounded by this phenomenon.  What could possibly be causing this? How it is possible?

Listen closely, I'm only going to say this a thousand times.  The Earth is cooling.  Got it?

What does that have to do with lower clouds?  Well, it's a symptom, not a cause, as the linked article will have you believe.

Anyone who's gone up in the mountains or a helicopter can tell you that around 3,000 feet or so, it gets noticeably colder.  By the time you hit 10,000 feet, it's quite a bit colder.  Once you get to 20,000 feet, you'll need a heavy coat and gloves on the hottest day in the middle of summer.  Fact of life, that is.

So, the sun rises, heats the ground, which evaporates moisture, which causes the surface air to warm, which rises up in a convection current, carrying the evaporated moisture, until it hits the cold zone and the moisture condenses and forms what?  Oh yeah...clouds.

The lower the cold layer of air is, the lower the clouds.  As the atmosphere gets colder, the clouds will form at lower and lower levels until they become...what, kids?  Oh yeah!  FOG!

I'm tellin' ya, I should be getting millions in grant money to study these things.  For a cup of coffee and a half a pack of Oreos, I can do a damn sight better at this stuff than all those over-paid propeller heads.  Apparently, the BHP fumes from their pocket liners have eaten away their vaunted brains.

"What a moroon."

I mean, this is something they could solve with a tea kettle and A/C in their kitchen on a hot summer's day.  All the fancy gadgets and whirly-gigs are no substitute for just thinking and using common sense.  But then the readers of this site know that 'common sense' is one of the funniest oxymorons around.

What we are seeing here is the Earth's atmosphere slowing down and becoming less warm.  Because of that, the cold zone is dropping in altitude.  As a consequence, the layer at which moisture condenses out of the warm air is also getting lower.

Need further proof?  Well, if that were the case, then we would see permanent snow caps on mountains getting lower, and alpine glaciers expanding.  Guess what?  That's what the honest data is showing.  We'd also see more brutal winters.  Guess what?  Go ask a European about brutal winters.  We'd see polar ice caps not receding as much as they used to.  Guess what?  I could go on, but I think you get the point, right?

Need proof of the cold layer in the atmosphere?  Go look at clouds.  I know that not politically corrent anymore, because it causes folks to use their imagination and actually get out in nature and feel grass under foot.  But if you do, you will notice that clouds are always flat on the bottom and all start at more or less the same altitude.  The cloud bottoms show you exactly where the cold layer starts.  In fact, if you start early in the morning, you can watch clouds form at exactly that layer all day long.  Kinda cool, really (pun intended).

For those reading this who have gotten their panties all in a bunch, I will admit to believing in 'climate change.' In fact, in Texas we say, "If you don't like the climate, wait 20 minutes.  It will change."  Unless you live on the equator, like me, then all year long, the climate changes.  Yup, I'm a firm believer in climate change.  See it all the time (until I moved to Indonesia).

The other day, I was accosted on the street by a WWF fanatic.  Now, for me this is great fun, kind of like arguing with Jehovah's Witnesses who used to come to my door and try to convert me to idiocy.

Anyway, this guy asked me if I had noticed that it was gettng hotter in Jakarta the past few years.  I looked at him like he had just uttered the stupidest words ever spoken (and they were close to that).

I mentioned, somewhat politely, that this is the equator, numbnut.  It's always hot here, 365/24/7.  But no, I had not noticed it getting hotter.  In fact, the hottest I've ever seen here is 35C/95F, and a good August afternoon in Texas can hit 44C/110F.  So don't give me that 'global warming' crap.  I've seen hot that would make an Indonesian beg for mercy!  In fact, if it's hotter here at all, it's because you guys keep paving over the trees and buying more damn cars that can't go anywhere on the congested roads.  So sure, next to major arteries, it's going to be hotter, but on the scale of a planet, that doesn't even rate as a blip.

Most people go out of their way to avoid these roadside pitchmen.  This guy eventually started running to get away from me.  I will fight idiocy where ever I find it.  I will root it out and destroy it, if I can, one idiot at a time.

It's a good thing he never got a chance to bring up endangered species.

My favorite 'oops' just recently (before the clouds lowered) was that the normal mass of warm water under the Arctic ice cap, had shifted from its normal home over by Russia to northern Canada.  For this reason, they've been telling us for decades that the Arctic Sea was warming.  But now they can't figure out why the normal warm water had moved.  Hey guys!  Check the position of the water against the magnetic pole position...  Sheesh, what a bunch of moroons.

My other theory might have a better chance.  These scientific shysters have been pitching 'global warming' for decades, and have created a whole industry to try to change people trillions of dollars to eradicate the element that makes up pretty much all life on Earth (carbon).

Now they've been caught with their pants down, their e-mail shown worldwide, their theories and scare-mongering shown for what it is.  So they're looking for a graceful exit.  "Oh yeah," they say, "the sun's output has changed."  This, after years of saying the sun had nothing to do with it.  "Oh, look," they say, "the clouds are getting lower causing global cooling."  Obviously, they think we are a bunch of drooling baboons out here.

Boy, they are dancing as fast as they can to save their reputations and keep their necks out of a noose.  When you bullshit the entire world and scam trillions of dollars and make bleeding-heart numbnuts look bad, people get hurt...bad.  And by that, I refer to the 'people' who ran the scam.  Us regular folks have already been hurt...bad.

Imaging the scientidiots are cats, and they've just let loose of a mountain of poo, and now they're scratching and digging their hearts out to try and cover it up.  Live by the grant, die by the grant, I always say.

So, now that we've laid that mystery to rest, I wonder what else they will come up with?  The oceans are evaportating maybe?  NSS.