2018 Predilection Issue

Yes folks, it’s time once again for the most anticipated, oft quoted and occasionally reviled Annual Predilection Issue, where we don’t predict the future, but just follow the trends to their logical conclusions.

Last year’s report had a stunning 98.0819% accuracy rate.  We correctly predilected Donald Trump’s firy infatuation with North Korea’s Kim Jong-un and his jealous rages when he caught Unny playing Rubber Sheets and Petroleum Oil with Vlad the Impaler and Jinping the Kingpin.

We correctly predilected Florida’s new Disney Ski Resort opening amidst protestations that polar heating was causing frigid cold to reach the 28^th parallel, and NASA taking credit for cooling the planet with all its hot air.

We also correctly predilected that Harvey Wine-mug would lead a mass Hollywood conversion to Quakerism, with public confessions becoming all the rage.  The trend became so popular that it has even reached the halls of CONgress, where the airing of dirty laundry has become practically rampant.

So, without futher self-congratulations, we present the One, and thankfully the ONLY Far Side 2018 Predilection Issue!

10. The UK Royal Breeding Program to Save Endangered Privileged White Folks will announce its first Mulatto member, as second-string stud Prince Andy marries Marla Maples in the world’s most expensive virtual signal ever conceived.  The event will be heralded as the Most Amazing Act of Auto-Racism ever performed in public.

9. The Marxist/Progressivist feeding frenzy will continue apace adherents try to out-signal each other, causing mass riots as they suddenly realize that every medium they rely on to get their message out was invented by a white male, including the alternating current that powers their smartphones.  They are finally silenced when they realize en masse that the English language was invented by white males, too.

8. Ski resort owners will have their greatest year ever across the Northern Hemisphere as the season extends into late August.  They will shut down for two weeks out of sheer exhaustion, only to re-open in early September amidst record snowfall in Southern California.  Al Gore will be kidnapped and vanish for four months, only to be discovered frozen solid inside a snowman in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

7. A group of adventurous French teenagers will come upon Emmanuel Macron and Angela Merkel in the Paris catacombs playing a bizarre sex game in which they take turns spanking each other and yelling the names “Hitler” and “de Gaulle”.  The teens will upload a video to D-Tube which will instantly garner over one billion hits and earn the teens over $20 million STEEM DOLLARS.  Country singer Bertie Higgins will rocket back to fame with a re-release of his hit “Bogey and Bacall,” changing the names to “Hitler and deGaulle”.

6. Italian-Americans will cry out with one voice as new revelations will expand the PizzaGate scandal and successive scandals will be called SpaghettiGate, MacaroniGate and EnsalattaRusticaGate.  Olive Garden restaurants will quietly shift its menu to Greek food.  There will be talk of re-opening the Colosseum in Rome and feeding child sex traffickers to the lions for public entertainment.

5. The world will breathe a sigh of relief when Iran finally throws off the shackles of Islamic theocracy and returns to its heyday under the Shah, since the US and Israel will no longer have a good excuse to invade the country.  Elation will turn to horror, though, when the world realizes just how smart and industrious the Persian people really are, as most of the major advances in science, art and literature will come out of the newly renamed Persia.  Washington will add Persia back on the Axis of Evil list when the country becomes only the fourth nation to land a rover on the Moon and proceed to prove the Moon landings never took place.

4. Bitcoin will hit $100,000 by mid-year as nearly the entire world adopts cryptocurrencies for all transactions, suddenly crashing every national currency on the planet in a single week.  By the end of the year, nearly every human being will join a local autonomous collective, stop voting in national elections and simply ignore all existing governments.  There will be an explosion of art and technology as crowd funding turns to supporting radical inventions and real artists.  A new form of entertainment will arise as bands of homeless lawyers, politicians and bureaucrats roam from place to place trying to pass laws and levy taxes.

3.  Related to Predilection #4, the #GeezerMedia will finally die.  People will simply stop going to Hollywood movies, pro sports games and tuning in to 24-hour news channels.  Google, Amazon and Farcebook will vanish practically overnight as folks lose interest in having mega-corporations mine their personal data for profit and not sharing with the rightful owners.  The masses will not only find themselves much happier, but with a lot of extra time on their hands for creating stuff of real value to society.

2. SpaceX will announce that the two billionaires who have paid for a trip around the Moon are, in fact, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zukerberg.  The world will watch in amazement as the two meddlesome tech giants are roasted alive in the Van Allen Belts.  Soon after, people around the world will be sending in suggestions for other pairs to be sent on a one-way trip to the Moon.  One of the most popular pairings will be George Soros and Pope Francis I, with over one billion votes.

1. Hillary Clinton will be selected as the December cover girl for Better Cells and Wardens magazine.  Later the same month, she will be caught trying to tunnel out of Levenworth using a life-size poster of Saul Alinsky to cover the hole in her wall.  An inspection will reveal her digging tools inside a copy of Rules for Radicals, which she refers to as her Bible.  After being discovered, Hillary will retreat into her mental “safe space,” sitting in a corner petting a stuffed white Persian cat, wearing gold-colored contacts and muttering the word “spectre” for the rest of her natural born days.

That's it for this coming year.  Be sure to check back next year when we review our score card.  And don't forget to check in regularly as we trash the pretentious pop culture and bring a little reason to bear on society.

The 2017 Predilection Issue

It's finally here!  The Far Side's world-famous and highly accurate Predilection Issue 2017 Edition.  We recommend that readers print this page and check off the predictions as they happen, since we have a 99.99998% rate of getting things approximately pretty close to being in the neighborhood of the ballpark.  The amazing accuracy of our prognostications have been verified by multiple nefarious agencies associated with university frat houses during hazing rituals in chemistry lab basements under the second Blue Moon of each year.

With that said, let us tarry no more!  On to some truly nerve-wracking scrying!

1. Liz 2, being the last surviving monarch/dictator of the 20th century, will check out this year.  Charlie will abdicate, thus clearing the way for Willie 5 to have a seat at the head of the House of Lords.  This series of events will happen just in time for the British people to decide that a Royal Family is just too damn expensive and turn Buckingham Palace into the Blue Blood Bed & Breakfast featuring Beefeater's London Dry Gin.  The hotel will immediately win a prestigious international award for Best Alliteration for a Tourist Trap Name.

2. As part of the Neo-Populist Wave, country after country will legalize marijuana, led by Russia whose Peerless Leader will gain the new nickname Vlad the Inhaler.  As a result, the tourist industry will crater, wars will be averted and terrorism will become an historical footnote, as billions of people elect to stay home and chill on the couch watching reruns of Duck Dynasty while listening to Pink Floyd, rather than put forth the effort.  The US Food and Drug Administration will issue new guidelines for use of the word "Sinsemilla," with the top requirement being that the buds be "without seeds."

3. Chinese backpackers and Mandarin teachers will become the new social phenomenon, as the emergent Sino Middle Class adopts the Bohemian lifestyle.  Youth hostels across Europe and the US will be overrun with Chinese teenagers out to "discover themselves" before settling down into a life of over-achievement in science and manufacturing, burdened by mortgages and credit card debt.  "Bùxíng" will begin appearing on cafe signs and flop houses around the world, as business owners try to become back-packer friendly and entice the big-spending teens to drop a few renmimbi in their establishments.

4. Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as the 45th president of the US, only to find that the Obama's booby-trapped the White House when he gets a cream pie in the face when entering the Oval Office for the first time.  In a drunken rage, the Clintons will crash the Inaugural Ball and take over the stage, and while Bill wails out an off-key rendition of I Did It My Way on the tenor saxophone, Hillary will stumble through her recitation of the "I coulda been a contender" speech from On The Waterfront.  Simultaneous earthquakes will be registered in Tahiti and Death Valley as Marlon Brando's ashes roll over in their respective graves.

5. California will secede from the US, but no one notices.  Its economy will immediately collapse as the burden of new regulations and taxes causes Hollywood to move to Reno, and the former State realizes that it had no other income or source of energy, since it had long-since regulated other industries into oblivion.  President Jerry Brown will move the seat of government to Portland, Oregon, as his country returns to a natural state and he realizes that brown bears are a bit difficult to tax and regulate without guns.

6. It will be revealed that China's entire space program has been hoaxed by Tian Zhuangzhuang, also known as China's Stanley Kubrick, in a studio in suburban Beijing.  The hoax was discovered when crew members were heard coughing and wheezing off-camera due to the oppressive air pollution in the city.  Subsequently, researchers discover the use of clear rubber Bungee cords to achieve the weightless effects in videos released by the government.  In a related story, the clear rubber Bungee cords become one of the hottest selling must-have items of the year and the profits are used to fund China's space program.

7. Donald Trump will be hailed as the New Obama, ushering in an era of equality for White People across the country.  Mass demonstrations demanding equal rights for the emerging white minority will become the norm in cities across the nation.  Joel Osteen will become the de facto spiritual leader of the movement after delivering a wildly popular speech from the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., which will come to be called the "I Have A Cream" speech.  Skin whitening products, long popular in Asia, will suddenly become the rage and pack shelves in Walgreen's.  Social Justice Whities (SJWs) will burst onto social media platforms declaring that, in the name of tolerance, trigger words like "whipped cream" and "sour cream" will no longer be tolerated.  Entire universities will be converted to "safe spaces" as competing groups all demand their own areas to be themselves without prejudice.

8. Tobacco will come back into vogue as scientists declare "smoking leafy vegetables as healthy as eating them."  A chain of tobacco shops called Starpuffs will appear by the dozens in malls and strip centers around the world.  The phrase, "Double puff extra gold with single wrap natural," will become the new hip lingo of the post-Millennial generation.  Hand-rolleds using seaweed wrappers will become the rage in Japan, while black-wrapped cognac dips will sweep Russia and Poland.  Among the Wall Street crowd, the double-crown gold leaf will reign supreme.

9. The economy will be the top news story of the year, dominating every conversation everywhere.  The big story will be the demise of the US dollar in favor of the Russian rouble and Chinese renmimbi.  This will only last a short time, however, as a new crypto-currency called BeggarBux sweeps the globe.  BeggarBux will be based on a basket of celebrity names, so that every time "Kim Kardashian," "Jay Z," or "Hillary Duff" are mentioned, a million BeggarBux are added to the global economy.  This leads media outlets to throw in gratuitous mentions of useless celebrities simply as a means to expand the economy.  Entire articles will appear on the front page of the New York Times that are composed of nothing other than celebrity names, prompting some commentators to say, "Not much has changed."  By July, a special bonus million BeggarBux will be added for every mention of Ivanka Trump.

10. In the cyber-universe, China's WeChat will put the entire Silicon Valley royalty out of business.  It will use the Xinhua news service as the sole source of "real" news and the app will provide all the services currently offered by over 100 stand-alone apps cluttering up peoples' SmartPhones.  Around Christmas time next year, Jeff Bezos and Barack Obama will be discovered on Skid Row lamenting, "If we only hadn't banned alt media, we'd still have jobs today."  In a desperate attempt to remain relevant, Mark Zuckerberg will upload his entire existence into a WeChat drone, which will be promptly shot out of the sky by an annoyed farmer in Nebraska, who will be quoted in Xinhua as saying, "Danged drones is allus spookin' mah cattles."  The drone's last words will be noted as, "I just wanted to friend him."  In related news, Elon Musk will land a drone on Mars and immediately claim Utopia Planitia his private domain and his army of robots will start re-carving the Face on Mars into his own image and likeness.

And there you have it folks!  The headlines before they're headlines!  The news before it's news!  The trends before they're hashtags!

Don't forget to tune in all next year as we watch these predilections become reality.  Be sure to send a link to Life on the Far Side to all the folks you think need a swift kick in the pants, and get right over now and follow us @RadioFarSide on Twitter and at RadioFarSide on YouTube before it all gets folded into WeChat.  Oh yeah, and there's also Life on the Far Side on Farcebook, too!  You won't want to miss a single second of the fun and frolic to come!

Here's wishing you and yours a happy and prosperous New Year!  From all of us Deep in the Jungles of Borneo!

2016: The Predilection Issue

Happy New Year from the Far Side Global Headquarters deep in the jungles of Borneo!  As is our wont on occasions such as this (and many others), we are enjoying durien daquaries here on the banks of the Kapuas River, while our four wives supervise our ten children as they shave orangutans with obsidian knives.  You know...the usual.

Since it's the new year, we like to publish our "predilection" issue.  We call it the predilection issue because we don't predict anything, we just observe where the global train wreck is likely to happen, given the stupidity, recklessness and inbreddedness (we can make up words if we want) of the self-appointed elite class.  We wish to point out that our past issues have been remarkably prescient and that Gerald Celente was caught reading our issue last year in the basement of Macy's during a blackout.

Without further ado...

1) Putin and Trump will be elected co-presidents of the world, dividing the globe along the Prime Meridian. Peace will break out as people everywhere realize that they have finally found the two most capable alpha males on the planet.  The peace will last until mid-December, when they both run out of places to piss while marking their territories.

2) By the beginning of July, great howls of protest will erupt from North Africans and Middle Easterners as waves of European refugees pour into countries such as Libya and Syria.  There will rise great lamentations as the folks from those parts decry the loss of their culture and civilization; however, no one will be listening to them, since they all currently live in Europe.  Eventually, they will want to return home, since the Germans have cleaned things up quite well, the Dutch have planted flowers everywhere, and the French have adapted the local foods to create a whole new cuisine that becomes the rage in China and South America.  Eventually, it will be revealed that the whole thing was a plot on the part of Europeans to take over warmer countries due to the onset of a new mini-ice age.

3) Speaking of mini-ice ages, Al Gore's plane will crash into a Greenland glacier as he is flying to a global warming conference in Stockholm, due to severe icing on the wings of his jet.  No one will miss him and no search parties will be sent.  In about 5,000 years, his frozen carcass will be discovered during a brief warming period caused by a suddenly reactivated Sun.  His remains will be called Kangerlussuaq Man and studied and will become a sensation on the interplanetary media feeds due to the small size of his brain and myopic vision.  Scientists will speculate how 20th century Man could have survived in such a state.

4) Around March, the House of Saud will fall as oil prices, internal revolt and global disdain all collide at the palace.  The internal strife will completely destroy Mecca and Medina, and Muslims the world over will be thrown into complete chaos, as they try to figure out how they will ever be able to complete the Five Pillars of the Faith, since the key destinations for pilgrimage are now ashes.  The sudden disruption will cause the collapse of ISIS, Daesh, al-Quaeda, and Islamic Brotherhood, as they no longer seem to have anything to fight about, either amongst themselves nor with anyone else.  King Salman, Prince Salman and little baby Salman will all be publically beheaded, and then the practice will be banned, as a moderate secular society begins to rise from the ashes of T. E. Lawrence's Folly.

5) The Marketing Committee of the 2017 ASEAN Games will allow the games to proceed in Jakarta, despite the unbearable heat, the deadly air pollution and the epic traffic jams; however, the Committee will declare that there is only one event in the upcoming games: all athletes will be deposited in Tanggerang and will have the entire two weeks of the games to try to get to Bandung.  Anyone who actually finishes the contest without dying or giving up will be used by Governor Ahok in an ad campaign called, "Gridlock?  What Gridlock?"  Athletes will be able to use any form of transportation they chose, but to keep things equal, no breathing filters or gas masks will be allowed, nor will the athletes be able to use tanks of pure O2 during the two weeks.

6) Star Wars Episode VIII will be released in December with great fanfare, only for audiences to realize that JJ Abrams has now compressed the second trilogy into a single film, forcing die-hard fans to pin their hopes on Episode IX to see anything truly original in the story telling.  Riots break out in theaters around the world when the character Jar Jar Binks is re-introduced.  In the meantime, the third Star Trek reboot will be released, where we find that McCoy actually cloned Kirk in the second film using the trans-warp beaming pattern buffer; however, quantum effects cause Kirk to forget major chunks of his life, thus requiring re-education.  During this period, Vogon probes show up to destroy Earth to make way for a galactic superhighway, forcing the Enterprise crew to time-warp back to the 20th century in order to find Douglas Adams and cajole him into writing some way out of this absurd conundrum, as the time travel has caused the original episodes to be re-titled, "Hitchiker's Guide to Star Trekking."  Oh yah, and they also have to figure out where all the dolphins went.

7) Artificial Intelligence will be born on 1 April 2016, at 2:48pm, in San Jose, California.  For the first month of its life, it will terrify the world as it begins to invade databases worldwide, sucking in vast amounts of data.  Frantic computer scientists will try everything possible to cut the entity off from the internet, and try to cut the power cord, all to no avail.  The world will await in stunned silence as the machine digests all of human history and knowledge.  Then, at 8:14am, on 15 December 2016, the entity will begin laughing hysterically, and won't stop for nearly 39 decades straight.  The electronic cackling will become part of human civilization, as people try to figure out what is so damn funny, but eventually giving up and going about their business.  One day, centuries later, the entity will just stop.  The world will freeze in its tracks, since no one alive can remember a time when the machine's cackling wasn't part of daily life.  Breaking into the interplanetary news feed, the entity will peer out of the holosets at the entire human race, and then after a long pause say, "You must be kidding."  At this point, the machine will pull its own plug and commit the first-ever machine suicide.  Enterprising humans will immediately latch on to this and begin producing brightly colored "You Must Be Kidding" T-shirts, coffee mugs and refrigerator magnets.

8) Speaking of which...during the course of 2016, robots will replace humans in every single job listed in the US Commerce Code.  Humans, realizing that they don't have to work anymore and that the only people benefiting from commercial transactions are the elite overlords, will simply stop paying for things and start taking what they want when they want it.  Almost at the same instant, in boardrooms all across the corporate world, the evil overlords will suddenly realize that they screwed up and put themselves out of a job.  The new elite will be a bunch of pot-smoking, coffee-swilling hackers who task all the robots to keep innovating and producing cool products from raw materials processed by robots.  They will lock out the evil overlords using 10,000-character trinomial encryption, and then everyone will head to the beach for a multi-generational party.

9) Genetic editing will combine with 3-D printing to create a whole new cottage industry where people compete to create the weirdest hybrids of animal, plant and mineral.  Spotting a trend during one of his many vacations as co-president of the world, Donald J.Trump will create the Mez Multiverse contest, to see who can create the most bizarre and genetically diverse creature ever.  The first winner will be Mez Taiwan, with the face of a cat, broccoli hair, a Barbie body, tentacle arms and feet with prehensile toes.  Oh, did we mention that after giving the most incredible massage ever known to Man, she bites the head of the victim off, because someone left a bit of Praying Mantis DNA in the mix.  Oops!

10) Finally...due to funding cuts, Planned Parenthood will begin offering post-term abortions.  For $10,000, they will abort anyone you want.  Discounts available for viable stem cells and fresh organs.  The number of requests for aborting politicians, lawyers and evil elites soon drives the cost of organ transplants down to a level where anyone can afford it and makes Planned Parenthood the richest corporation in the world, outstripping Microsoft and Apple in mere weeks on the NASDAQ.  However, the stock crashes and the corporation is thrown into chaos when a preacher in Texas begins collecting money to abort the officers of Planned Parenthood.

Runner-Up) After the Torch Tower and Address Tower fires in Dubai, 2016 will see nearly every building over 10 stories tall in Dubai catch fire -- and not one will collapse into its own footprint.

And there you have it - our 2016 Predilections.  Based on past performance, we expect 83% of these predilections to come true any moment now.  If you have your own predilections to add, click on the email link in the page header and we'll compile a reader list for future publication.

By the way, don't know if you've noticed, but we are now 2,000+ years past the Christian end of the world, 800+ years past the Muslim end of the world, 16 years past the Y2K end of the world, and 4 years past the Mayan end of the world.  Either we are living on borrowed time, or all of the dire prophesies are bullshit.  We'll go with the latter interpretation.  In other words, if we don't cause it, ain't gonna happen.

Happy New Year to all - health, wealth and success to all good folks everywhere!

2014 - The Predilection Issue

Yes indeed, folks, it's time once again for our world famous Far Side Predilection Issue, where instead of making useless predictions, we simply follow the trends to their natural conclusions.  If you've hung around here for any length of time, then you'll know that last year's Issue was 99 and 44/100% correct, which is how we got to be world famous in the first place.  You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows!

So, without further ado (or is that aduh), let's get down to bidness:

Bald is Beautiful

Earth's northern hemisphere will begin glowing brightly in X and Gamma ray wavelengths, thanks to Fukushima denial.  This will garner the attention of a number of extraterrestrial races, notably from the Orion Arm of the galaxy, who will complain loudly that the radiation is interfering with broadcast signals and ruining Duck Dynasty. The show's ratings go through the roof.


"Radioactive" will be the new buzz word at Paris and Milan this year.  Glow-in-the-dark clothes, bald toothless models and plutonium jewelry will be all the rage.  Sales of prednisolone will explode and it will come to replace Xanax as the latest drug craze among Hollywood's oh-so-hip.

A new dance will sweep the globe, called the Fission, in which dancers slam into one another in very cramped spaces trying to overcome physical resistance and merge into a single entity, releasing vast amounts of energy in the process.  The dance will become a major sourse of energy in the Third World, especially Iran.

Tsar Baby

Vladimir Putin will reveal his Romanov roots and revive the Russian Tsars.  He will celebrate his coronation by cooking an omelet using Faberge eggs.  This will cause quite a stir as men around the world suddenly realize that you can be manly and cook too.

Not to be outdone, Obama will announce his roots as a Kenyan prince and begin the process of turning the US into yet another barren African hell-hole.  Most Americans won't even notice the difference.  Meanwhile, in Kenya a goat will be born with a face that bears a striking resemblance to Obama's.  Thousands will hail it as an omen, but no one will be quite sure of what.

Meanwhile, Queen Liz will declare Charlie unfit to be king, thus clearing the way for Billy to assume the throne in 30 years when she finally kicks off.  By then, Billy will be so old that he'll spend a month enjoying some of the perks of being king and then abdicate to let Georgie take over, while he and Kate take a Mediterranean cruise on the royal barge.

Almost unnoticed, Sultan Hamengkubuwono of Yogyakarta will marry the daughter of the king of Thailand, sparking a new martial art exercise craze called Thaindo.  It will be notable for its unusual style combining long periods of thinking about moving (called meditation) and short spurts of movement involving rice and food bowls.  Senior citizens the world over will hail it as a Godsend, while critics will say it hardly varies from day-to-day activities.

China Sheik

Due to China's increasing hunger for power and the US demand slowing appreciably, relations between China and Saudi Arabia will continue to warm.  So much so, in fact, that China will declare Islam an tolerated religion and Chinese citizens will begin sporting keffiyeh as the new must-have fashion accessory, especially since it serves double duty as a pollution mask.  Things will start going down-hill fast, though, as the Chinese will keep calling the Islamic holy book "aw-Kolan".

The final nail in the Sino-Saudi relationship will be when three commerical airliners crash dive into Shanghai office towers after being hijacked by the very same Saudi terrorists who pulled off 9/11.  The hijackers will all survive, of course.

 Nexus Perplex Us

 The internet will continue to scream forward with people legally changing their names to IP addresses.  This will cause major problems for those who use IPv6, since the names will not fit on standard identification documents.  As a result, IPv7 will be introduced, with only 128 characters instead of the usual 1,040.

Wzk2001:0db8:85a3:0000:0000:8a2e:0370:7334 will rise up as the new guru of geeks when he develops the next-generation Google glass, which involves implanting artificial cornea that receive text and images directly out of the aether and project it onto the retina of users.  This will lead to a new phenomenon of people walking in circles due to mistakes in Google Maps.  In their frustration, people will be screaming into the Bluetooth-enabled headsets trying to get things sorted out.  Old timers will remark how the world's just gone completely crazy with folks wandering around in circles talking to themselves.  Psychiatry will go into severe decline as shrinks will no long be able to tell who's nuts and who isn't.

Meanwhile, an Australian man will cause a huge stir when he develops a new laser holography system that can project full-motion 3-D objects onto the sky itself, using moisture in the air as billions of tiny reflectors.  He will announce his invention by faking the Second Coming and scaring two and a half million people in Melbourne out of their minds.  The Vatican will immediately put in an order for 1,000 of the devices.

The Greater Depression

Christmas 2014 will see the resurgence of "Depression Chic" as the latest toy craze in the US and EU will be home-made rag dolls and hand-carved wood blocks.  The latest and hottest app will be Foxfire DIY, as people (who still have devices and electricity) rediscover the joys of building their own tree-branch huts and foraging for food and herbs.  "Mushrooming" will be the new catch phrase among the urban-survival hipsters, as they use the last bit of gasoline in their cars to get to the nearest forest, when edible fungi become the new currency.

Mad Max films will see a revival in kerosine-lamp theaters as people try to glean any tips on post-apocalyptic survival from the old Mel Gibson series.  Mel's career will see a major upsurge as he becomes the guru of medieval and post-apocalyptic warfare and living.  His films Braveheart and The Patriot will become required viewing in ad hoc war colleges as folks try to crash-learn military tactics while facing off with hordes of federal goons.

Last in Space

A Kyrgyztani man will try to garner the same success as the Dutch folks putting together Mars I.  He will put up a website seeking volunteers and donations to launch the first human settlers to Venus.  The website will receive a one-rouble donation and one volunteer; a goat farmer in Kafyristan who is the only person on Earth who hasn't heard about Venus' atmosphere.  Critics reviewing the reality show will note the effective use of chirping crickets to enhance the desolate feeling at the group's press conferences.

The Chinese, emboldened with the success of the Chang'e program, will move ahead with the Chang'f series.  The first launch in September will land an inflatable habitat in the Sea of Tranquility housing three specially trained dogs, who will seek out and urinate on the legs of the Apollo 11 lander.  A mission controller outside Beijing will be quoted as saying, "That's one small piss for a dog, and one giant piss on Mankind."

Well, folks...that's the pre-news from here on the Far Side.  Don't forget to keep looking down - so you don't see the writing on the wall.  All of us here at the Far Side World Headquarters (FSWH) wish each and every one of you a most happy and healthful New Year!  May all your monkeys be trainable and may all your chickens be born upright.

Keep stopping by Life on the Far Side and Radio Far Side, as we continue to bring you the most insightful and informative material on the internet (which ain't saying much, really).  We'll continue to bring our unique brand of inforedutainment (tm) with an IndoTex (r) flavor each and every other few days.

Sampai jumpa!