Practice Makes Puppet

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Every year, a couple of months or so after Ramadhan, there's an Islamic holy day called Eid al-Adha, or Feast of the Sacrifice.  Animals, usually goats and cows, have their throats slit with a ceremonial knife and their blood is sloshed all over the mosque in a cleansing ritual.

Keep this in mind as you read details of the London Bridge attack, where the perpetrators used long hunting knives to slit the throats of their victims as they invoked Allah.  If you are open minded enough, you might see a connection between Eid al-Adha and the attack.

Islam began as a backward religion.  It borrowed heavily from the Old and New Testaments of Judaism and Christianity.

At the time Islam was being formed, around AD500, Judaism had mostly ceased live animal sacrifices, and Christianity had replaced them with a ritualistic sacrifice called the Eucharist.  In other words, the two existing monotheisms had begun a reformation process that eschewed barbaric bloody sacrifice, at least insofar as it involved actual, living creatures.

Islam, however, sought to return to an earlier incarnation of these religions, adopting many of the (even then) ancient practices outlined in the Old Testament.

In this way, there is an existing mentality within Islam that the slaughter and spilling of blood is a sacred offering to Allah, who apparently enjoys the sight of innocent blood.  By extension, the more radical elements within Islam would transfer the concept of bloody sacrifice from animals to humans.  After all, if Allah is pleased with animal blood, he must find human blood even more so.

In other words, to the warped minds of the terrorists, if they are killed in the process of slaughtering innocents, then they are cleansed by the blood and eligible for great rewards in heaven.  It is as if their bodies are representative mosques, and the sloshing of innocent blood on their bodies is a ritual cleansing that is most pleasing to Allah.  Thus, the oft-cited "72 virgins" reward for being so pure when standing at the Pearly Gates, or however it is rendered in Islam.

This built-in mentality has been weaponized by certain elements in the West.  It has been fostered and promoted since at least the days of Lawrence of Arabia.  This mentality has been made a tool of Western policy and used to herd the citizens of the US and Europe in whatever direction is needed at the moment.

The weaponization reached a peak under the Nazi regime, where the natural rivalry between Jews and Muslims was a ready tool for those wishing to rid Europe of Jews.  The network developed by the Nazis in the Middle East was taken over by the US after WW2, and put to use in recent times as a means of steering the masses.

This goes a long way toward explaining why Western governments are loath to stop the Muslim influx, and why these bloody attacks occur even when the perpetrators are known to be radicalized and have been under surveillance for some time.  This is why Muslims are allowed to run amok in European countries and have the red carpet rolled out for them.

The radicalized Muslims are tools.  They are created and controlled by Western governments as a means to herd the masses into surrendering their rights.  The radicals are not out of control, they are completely under control.  They have been brainwashed and sold a bill of goods by evil slime hiding in the shadows of Western power centers.

This is a condemnation not only of Western elites who foster and use the radicals, but of the radicals who allow themselves to be manipulated and used in such a way.

It is time for Islam to recognize that it is being manipulated by Western elites, and to reform itself in order to free Muslims from this crass manipulation.  There is no glory in slaughter of innocents, there is only hell on Earth and elsewhere.

The other religions of the world have long since reformed and ceased the senseless and barbaric practice of bloody sacrifice.  Isn't it about time Islam took a long, hard look at itself?

Pharisaic Duplicity At The Break Of Dawn

"There are three things in the world that deserve no mercy, hypocrisy, fraud, and tyranny."
- Frederick William Robertson

Well, it's that special time of year again, when Muslims the world over sleep all day to avoid having to actually suffer the fast.

Don't know if you're familiar with the rituals of Ramadhan, so I will regale you with the fun and excitement of being surrounded by hungry, thirsty people in really bad moods.

Oh sure, it always starts off with lots of fanfare and enthusiasm, but in about 14 days, folks will be sullen, exhausted and listless - even the folks to opt to sleep through the month to avoid too much suffering.

If you are a devout Muslim, then for the next four weeks, you are forbidden to eat, drink or even swallow your saliva from sun-up till sun-down.  While the idea is to mortify the body and take command of its cravings, the actual practice is somewhat less dramatic.

Most folks around these parts get up around 3am to gorge themselves on massive breakfasts and drink gallons of water to hold them through the day.  Ironically, food prices spike before and during Ramadhan as people buy much more than their usual take.  This practice of early morning gorging makes one feel full and able to get through most of the day before hunger pangs set in.

By the evening call to prayer, roads empty as folks dive into the nearest food stall to grab a meal and water.  Even the folks who slept all day feel the need to chow down, even though they put forth their best effort to remain unconscious during the better part of the fasting hours.

One of the most annoying practices are roving gangs of noise-makers - drums, horns, clangers, and chanting - who stroll the neighborhood at 3am to wake the devout for their early morning feast before the 4am call to prayer that marks the beginning of the fast.

Newspapers and media outlets are wall-to-wall with fasting strategies and humorous tales of people passing out - particularly children in schools - from hunger and thirst.

In years past, I have made a concerted effort to be respectful and not eat or drink in view of those who have chosen to fast, and who can get rather irate at those of us who choose not to.  It apparently does not occur to them that others might have different rituals, such as Catholics who fast for 40 days before Easter, rather than 28 days for Ramadhan, and whose fasts are around the clock and not just 12 hours a day.

This year, however, I've decided I don't really care.  Since I have not seen or heard any Muslims crying in outrage at the killings of innocent people in England, Indonesia, Syria, Egypt, and the Philippines in the name of Islam as a way to mark the beginning of the Holy Month, then I feel no need to respect those fasting.  Perhaps my complete disregard for their discomfort will in some small way be a reminder of all the suffering Muslims have caused to families around the world this Holy Season.

I have little use for religion to begin with, but one that appears to think it is perfectly alright to kill and maim hundreds of innocent people as a means to mark its holiest time of the year is beneath contempt.

I have not heard a single Muslim decry the slaughter of teenagers at a concert in Manchester.  No one has beat their breast over the Coptic Christians gunned down in cold blood.  None have shown remorse, nor even discomfort, at the wholesale butchery in Syria or the Philippines.  And oddly, not a whimper of protest for the Muslims blown to pieces by Muslims in Jakarta.

If it were me, and the religion I professed was slaughtering, raping and beating people around the globe in the name of something I believed in, I would immediately and loudly quit that religion and walk away in disgust, just as I did from my home country when it began slaughtering thousands of innocent people under false pretenses.

I don't have much truck with hypocrites.  Those who spew love of a god and find it quite alright to kill innocents in the name of that god do not deserve, and will not receive respect from me.  And when folks put on a big show of fasting in the name of their religion, but do everything they can to avoid the unpleasant aspects of fasting, the hypocrisy is the same, though thankfully fewer people die horribly from it.

I walked away from Catholicism because of the hypocrisy and pain it had caused in the world.  I walked away from the US because of the gross deception and anguish it has caused for something as petty as political expediency.  I will certainly not give my respect, nor empathize with a religion that condones wholesale slaughter in cold blood of women, children and young folks who are obviously not combatants in any conceivable way.

Unless and until Islam and its followers can feel shame for its grave errors and evil actions, why should anyone go out of their way to accommodate those who fast in show only?

Is That A Passport In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

The hysteria over Donald Trump's immigration orders is by far the most entertainment out of the US since last November.  The global reaction makes it even more entertaining.  It is very interesting to see the antics and finger-pointing worldwide.

We begin with Chuckie Schumer, New York senator and dual citizen with an Israeli passport, shedding crocodile tears, as if he truly cares about the plight of "refugees".  He is probably more terrified that Trump will ban dual citizens, forcing him to choose between his cushy life-long job on the backs of taxpayers and his beloved desert hell-hole that he obviously doesn't love enough to live there.

Next, we have the CEO of AirBnB volunteering other people's private property as free shelter for banned travellers.  Yes, it doesn't hurt to look good with false generosity when you have no liability, no loss and no ownership in the outcome.  In the spirit of his generous offer, I'd like to open his home for free to all "refugees" and people from the seven banned countries.  C'mon in!

Then there's China's official mouthpiece Xinhua pointing the finger at the Trump orders and gleefully featuring coverage of the protests at JFK airport.  Of course, there is no mention that China has some of the most strict immigration laws in Asia, enforces them ruthlessly and allows zero "refugees" inside their borders.  Oops, forgot about that part, did you?

The EU is jumping up and down hollering about the new US policies, with Hollande and others demanding that the European dictatorship get tough on Trump - or they would be jumping up and down except they might land on a "refugee" or two...hundred.  Sounds more like a case of passionately wanting someone else to share their misery.

Almost every single article I can find says that Trump banned Muslims, but when I read the Executive Order, it says all passport holders from seven countries in the Middle East know to harbor terrorists, regardless of political or religious backgrounds. Neither does the EO put a permanent ban on these countries...just three months.

Interestingly, Trump also ordered the Pentagon to come up with a plan in 30 days to defeat ISIS.  That would give him 60 days to effect the plan before the ban is lifted.  Hmmm...  He also said that he would not release details of the plan beforehand.  That makes sense, since FDR didn't hold a presser to announce that Allied forces would be landing at Normandy at dawn on the 6th or June, either.

To be fair, the seven banned countries are predominantly Islamic, though Indonesia was not included with a population about 79% Muslim.  So maybe the ban is political, not religious?  Banish the thought!

Trump has done nothing but his job, which is to execute the law of the land in the most effective and fiscally-responsible way.  Granted, no one has done that in the US for decades, but hey, it's still the law, folks.

If the Middle East had a virulent outbreak of hemorrhagic fever, I'm sure Chuckie Schumer and the Walking Dead...er, Democrats would be falling all over themselves to ban travellers from those countries.  Point of order, Mr. Chuckie, politically-induced mental illness is just as dangerous.

Though I am wary as hell of Trump, I must admit that his orders are perfectly reasonable and legitimate.  Unlike Obama, he's even (so far) using the EOs for their intended purpose: enforce the law, not make it.  Being an immigrant myself and having to abide by the laws and regulations of my resident country, I fully support what Trump is doing.  Just because none of his predecessors have bothered to enforce the law does not remove him from his sworn duty as president.

The looks on the faces of my Islamic friends here is classic when they tell me Trump has banned Muslims, and I respond that Indonesians are free to travel to the US any time they want, as long as they have a valid visa and follow the process.  It really does not compute, so effective has the Corporate Media been in rewriting the narrative.

Oh, there's one more thing.  If Trump was really serious, he'd ban Saudi Arabia too.  I guess that's too much to ask.

A Trip Through Time

UPDATE: Don't even get this article published yer (Tuesday) and already news is coming out that the Orlando shooter was, at the least, bisexual, which makes this column all the more evocative.

As regular Far Siders know, I don't often comment on specific events in the news, preferring to focus on larger themes and topics.  However, the recent shootings in Orlando, Florida, USA, have brought up some rather deep cultural issues that I thought worth commenting upon.

As you might already suspect, I have a rather different take on the matter.

What brought this to mind were the various headlines claiming that the massacre, taking place in a gay bar, highlighted the Islamic hatred of homosexuals.  I have to laugh - not at the death or pain inflicted on the families - but at the extremely short memories that Americans apparently have.  We need look no further than the Stonewall Riots in the 70s, to see how predominantly Christian society has treated homosexuals, not to mention burning at the stake (faggot means a bundle of twigs for burning), and such notable folks as Oscar Wilde, a brilliant writer and humorist imprisoned for homosexuality.

Even more profound were the articles pointing out the hypocracy of Islam, where a phenomenon called batcha (in Indonesian banci, in English queen, all from the same Indo-European root) is practiced in many parts of central Asia.  If you've never heard of batchas, then your education is sadly lacking, for it was Marco Polo who brought the practice to wide attention in Europe in the 1200s.

As I go into this topic, I warn Western readers not to get too high and mighty in their condemnation.  In Western culture, women were banned from public performance on stage for centuries, which led to a practice of castrating young boys with perfect soprano voices in order to have performers for opera and other similar entertainment, such as ballet.  These hapless young boys were called castrati, and the practice ended recently enough that there are recordings of one of the last known castrati.  So let's not get to sanctimonious about today's history lesson.

The batcha are an ancient form of entertainment, pre-dating much of modern culture, including Islam and Christianity.  As most readers will be unaware of batcha, allow me to fill you in.

The batcha are also known as "the dancing boys."  These are boys who have been raised for a very specific purpose from birth.  They are often castrated to preserve their slightly girlish looks, are trained in various forms of entertainment, including sexual as well as performance, and at least used to be found throughout central Asia, including Afghanistan, Persia, Arabia, Pakistan, and India.

In addition to castration, special inserts were used in the anus from birth, causing it to take on a somewhat feminine characteristic, so making the boys better suited for sexual activities.

The batcha were most often noted in and around trading caravans from ancient times.  Because of the many years of special preparation, these boys were very expensive and sold or traded as a commodity.  They eventually became a status symbol, like a Mercedes 500 series car, because the price tag was formidable.  In his tales, Marco Polo notes that the batcha were exceptional entertainers, and though he doesn't admit to first-hand knowledge, says they were well-known for being experts in many forms of sexual practices.

After the rise of Islam, and the deep division of the sexes in most aspects of daily - especially public - life, the batchas took on even more prominent roles among traders, who were often separated from their wives for months or even years.  Since a man was forbidden to enjoy the company of any woman but his wives, and since unsullied slave girls were far more valuable than used goods, the batcha filled a niche market, as it were.  They were often used as a means to seal a deal between traders, due to the prized nature of these services.

To truly understand the cultural mentality behind the batcha, it is important to remember that in many societies, especially in central Asia, children under a certain age were considered asexual.  They weren't really boys or girls, they were neutrals, and thus stood apart from various social restrictions on consorting with the opposite sex.  This view is found in many Semitic cultures, and may date back as far as Babylon, and possibly further, as some researchers have noted ancient beliefs that humans began as "male" androgines, before differentiating into male and female.

In any case, the use of batcha was - at least at one time - widespread and had the various advantages of being a kind of birth control, as well as a means of sexual release without violating the many rules and taboos related to dalliances between sexes in and out of wedlock.

Lest the reader begin to think this was some barbaric practice and that the batcha lived squalid lives, it should be noted that they were treated with the same fawning adoration that Westerners reserve for the latest pop sensation.  People would bow to these boys, buy them oppulatent houses, open (for all intents and purposes) Las Vegas nightclubs for the exclusive use of the selected boys.  Some were as famous in the Old World as Prince, Mick Jagger or David Bowie are today, and treated with the same kind of awe and deference to superstardom, as well.

And lest one think that this practice is dead and buried today, I need only mention the legendary "lady boys" of Thailand.  Yes, those are batchas, or at least a version of them.  In a sense, even the Western drag queens and the elaborate South Beach shows in Miami are an extension of this very long tradition of gender-bending boys.

Before one goes around condemning Islamic hypocrisy or praising Western tolerance, or faining shock at certain practices, one would do well to crack the occasional history book.  This goes for religionist book-pounders and liberal bleeding-hearts alike.

Fashions come and go.  Cultures evolve and change.  Things are condemned today that were once as normal and vital as air (see fur coats).

Before things can be effectively changed, one must first look deeply at the roots, the history, the traditions.  One must also attempt to view the world through different eyes.  One cannot condemn practices for which one has no understanding of where those practices came from.

Humans has a curious way of adopting certain behaviors out of necessity or pragmatism, then over time converting those practices into tradition and ritual, and finally abhorring and castigating them.  It is easy to rant and rave out of ignorance, but it is an entirely different thing to attempt to understand and sympathize as a first impulse.

Nothing exists in a vacuum, whether it is batcha, castrati or lone gunmen shooting up gay bars.  To cure, we must first find cause.

We condemn what we do not understand, and we do not understand what we fear.  First address the fear on ALL sides.


Oh, and one more thing (a la Columbo).  Perhaps now, the reader may begin to appreciate that, from a certain point of view, the Orlando incident was not an act of Islamic homophobia, but rather a strike again wealth and privilege.  After all, in certain cultures (such as the one the shooter came from), a room full of drag queens is a very rich man's hareem of batcha entertainers..

Going Slow While Fasting

It's another day in paradise, here in the jungles of Southeast Asia.

Every single freakin' one of the 40 million vehicles registered in Jakarta was in front of me this morning.  I even made a 7a meeting appointment in hopes of beating the rush, to no avail.

Adding to the mayhem is the month of Ramadhan.  So not only are there 40 million vehicles in front of me, they are full of hungry, thirsty people who woke up at 3a to have breakfast before the fasting began.  And this is only the first week.  By the end of the month, people start getting suicidal on the roads.  Half the population of Jakarta are in a fasting, sleep-deprived coma through most of the day.

If you are not familiar with Islam and the fasting month, allow me to regale you.

For 29 days (one lunar month) out of each year, a Muslim (one who follows Islam) is required to go from sun up to sun down without food or drink.  This includes not swallowing your own saliva, which I assume includes someone else's, as well.

Restaurants cover the windows with drapery, the beer cooler is covered and locked at the store, and a great number of folks wake up before dawn to stuff themselves before the morning call to prayer at about 4:15a.

Those bars that still open during the month serve booze in tea cups, so as not to offend, though my question is if a devout Muslim is fasting, what the hell are they doing in a bar in the first place to get offended.  But I suppose that is one of those things that requires logic.

This continues throughout the month until near the end, when folks start getting a glazed, haunted look in their eyes.  Even the mention of common food-related molecules can start an uncontrollable slavering fit and folks can actually get angry at the rest of us who aren't fasting, just because we don't look haunted and desperate.

All of this suffering culminates in the Eid al-Fitr (Arabic) or Idul Fitri (Indonesian).  This literally means "Feast of the Break-fast."  This year, it will fall on July 6, I think.  Hard to tell.  There's an entire government ministry here who's primary concern is the exact moments that fasting begins and ends.  Like all government bureaucracies, they enjoy keeping people hanging on their every belch and twaddle,

Anyway, Idul Fitri starts the feasting of all feasting around here.  It's a lot like a combination of Thanksgiving and Christmas, with millions of folks bugging out and going home to enjoy massive feasts with friends and family for anywhere from two days to two weeks.  Depends on how much money they get in gifts.  More money = longer vacation.

The upside is that Jakarta becomes a ghost town for a week or so.  Virtually the entire population of 12 million vanishes overnight, leaving the city dark and quiet.  Suddenly, destinations that took well over an hour to get to only take 20 minutes.  The damnedable part is that nothing is open during that week, so just when you can actually get around, there's no around to get to.

The worst part about Ramadhan is about 6p every evening, when the mosques start belting out the evening call to pray, hordes (and I use that term advisedly) of people pour out of buildings, cars and any other containment device and head directly to the nearest source of food and water.  This means that just when folks are the most hungry, the most thirsty, most tired, and most motivated to get somewhere, the roads become a vast stagnant lake of shiny metal bugs.  The usual nasty traffic is further bunged up with the piles of people and conveyances parked in front of any place selling water and snacks.

So if you happen to run into someone this month who looks like they've just stared into the abyss and seen the end of the Universe, they are probably fasting.  Might want to give them a break and not eat in front of them, or at least be prepared to put a drip bucket under them.

It reminds me a lot of the old days when Catholics used to practice their religion.  Remember that?  It was hard to find beef on Fridays, or there were lots of specials on fish and chicken?  Back when Catholic kids gave up chocolate for 40 days, or smokers didn't smoke in front of each other (kind of like Baptists and drinking alcohol).  Yup, a lot like those old days of yore. Once upon a time, there was a whole industry built up over Lent.  Only us old geezers remember those days, I suppose.  Of course, Ramadhan is not quite like that.  The Muslims try to make everyone else fast too, so they don't have to suffer watching everyone else have fun.  The Catholics, on the other hand, had to watch the steak houses in full swing and smell that lovely aroma wafting on the spring breeze, or the non-Catholic kids eating chocolate any damn time they wanted.

Ain't religion grand?

Contumely I Offer Thee

JAKARTA - The plea of leadership this year is for a peaceful Ramadhan.  What few realize, even those who adhere to the tenants of Mohamed, is that violence and destruction is hypocritical of the teachings of the Prophet and the Words of al-Quran.

The Quran exhorts its followers to live peaceful and measured lives.  The Golden Rule shows up in many forms, even in the teachings of Buddha, Christ and Mohamed.  The Quran teaches that those who desire peace should be offered peace, regardless of whether they are Moslem or not.

Why is this an issue?  Well, Ramadhan started this week...Wednesday to be precise, with the New Moon.  Ramadhan is a time of quiet contemplation and soul-searching by those who follow the teachings of the Prophet.  It is a time to deny the body's cravings and strengthen the Spirit's resolve towards Enlightenment.

Of the three Great Jehovah religions - Judaism, Christianity and Islam - Islam is the least evolved.  Now don't get your panties in a twist.   Islam grew out of an offshoot of the Hebrew religion.  Of the three, it is the least reformed for modern times and sensibilities.  That is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is an inconvenient one when it comes to co-existence with other branches.

There is nothing inherently "wrong" with Islam, just as there is nothing wrong with any other faith.  To each his own.  When things become wrong is when they turn to violence to impose one set of beliefs on others.  The most successful political systems in history have realized that the best way to rule is to allow all faiths the freedom to practice their beliefs.  That's why the US Constitution gives wide latitude to religion.  The Indonesian Constitution recognizes four official religions.  Genghis Khan allowed several religions.  Rome gave space for a number of faiths.

In other words, if you monopolize religion, you end up with the Vatican whose citizens even today commit financial crimes, torture young children and condemn people to Hell for nothing more than denying that a loving God could conceive of something like Hell.

And so, in the nation of Indonesia, which is 75% Moslem, and which has groups such as Front Pembela Islam, or FPI.

The FPI is a radical group who thinks that running around beating people and destroying private property is a virtue that somehow defends their faith.  I have news for you guys...you're about a millennium behind the times.

The way to convince people that yours is the better way is not hurting innocent people, but respecting life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

I have to tip the hat to Jokowi (governor of Jakarta) who has called for toning down the rhetoric and demonstrations, and to the imam at the local masjid who are echoing that call.  There is no need for PA systems blaring at 3am, or drum corps marching through the neighborhoods at the wee hours, or violent gangs attacking individuals or businesses that cater to the non-Moslem.  We do not all fast at the same times or for the same reasons.  You do not make a good impression by forcing your beliefs on others.

I brought certain customs with me.  Thanksgiving is something I have written about for several years now.  The Indonesians in my circle love the custom and eat copious amounts of food at my feasts.  I do not force anyone to take part in my custom.  Those who join and enjoy it do so because it is a feast of thanks and peace and enjoyment of the good things in life.

There is nothing wrong with Islam and I respect it as far as it does not intrude on my habits and customs.  I am not fasting at this time.  Come Buddha's birthday, I will do my own fast and I do not expect others to follow.  In fact, I do not expect anyone to follow any of my customs.  I perform them for myself.  If they appeal to others, all the better as I have someone to share with.

What the FPI and its ilk doesn't seem to understand is that their actions make their religion despicable at best.  People naturally shy away from groups that use violence and harm to press a point.  After all, didn't the FPI participate in the overthrow of Soeharto?  They obviously understand the desire to be left alone to pursue one's own course in life.

I am all for folks enjoying their customs and the certain feel and flavor that those customs bring to a place.  If I didn't appreciate them, then I wouldn't have kept the ritual of Thanksgiving here in Indonesia, nor would I have won over so many folks to enjoy the holiday with me.  I tempt with fun rather than force with pain.

Yes, I fully understand that Moslems fast at this time of year.  I fully respect you right to do so, so long as you respect my right not to partake.  I have my own rituals and I win converts by carrot rather than stick.  Frankly, I respect a man much more when he can keep his beliefs in the face of overwhelming distractions.  Those who need to resort to violence obviously don't have the strength of their own convictions and must force everyone around them to participate in order to feel justified.

I respect Ramadhan and all that it stands for.  I believe that any man who can pass through the test of a month without swallowing his own spit 12 hours of each day deserves my respect, and that's the meaning of Ramadhan.  It is not forcing others to participate, but showing that one's depth of commitment goes beyond constant temptation.

If a man dare demonstrate that his force of will can overcome temptations of the flesh, then I give him my deepest respect.

If, on the other hand, he must beat people unconscious, detroy businesses and private property, and demand submission at the point of a gun, then I have no respect for your views.

Force, according to al-Quran, is only justified when the opponent uses force against you.  I ask the FPI, when has anyone used any force against you?  Drinking a bottle of water on the street doesn't count, even if you are Moslem.

As a former Catholic monk, I know that the church allows for the health and well-beng of the individual.  You are allowed to perform as much pain and torture on yourself as your body can medically endure.

Having watched three people die because they strictly adhered to the strictures of Ramadhan doesn't dispose me to being patient.  Drawing blood is only justified when others draw yours first.

I, for one, can not believe in a religion that preaches hate, death and destruction as a means of recruitment.

FPI - your time has past.

Goodbye.

Nihil Novi Sub Sole

Yup, nothing new under the sun.

Once upon a time, there was a great stand-up philosopher (sorry Mel) by the name of Tom Lehrer. He was known for putting complex ideas into simple, and hilarious, focus. Exemplii gratis:

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Muslims,
And everybody hates the Jews.

But during National Brotherhood Week, National Brotherhood Week,
It's National Everyone-smile-at-one-another-hood Week.
Be nice to people who
Are inferior to you.
It's only for a week, so have no fear.
Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!

I used to live in a predominantly Jewish country (Merica), but now I live in a predominantly Islamic country. So I think that gives me a rather good perspective when it comes to today's topic: Ramadan.

Before I start my rant, I just want to say that I have no horse in this race. What my beliefs are, are strictly my own. From what I see, all major religions have, at their cores, the same ideology and more or less the same roadmap to getting There. They all preach love, peace and brotherhood at the point of a sword, as far as I can see (with the possible exception of Buddhists). They all idolize one or two people who achieved apotheosis using their roadmap. They all sponsor a priefcraft and have secret rituals and handshakes to distinguish themselves from the Others.

For the sake of disclosure, I was raised Roman Catholic (different from those Other Catholics), and they worship a guy who is God On Earth through the sacriment of pedophilia. You can see why I got out of that one.

Anyway, I am happy to let everyone believe as they please as long as they don't force it on me. For that reason, I take some exception with groups who aggressively try to make me see their basic goodness. I have been to churches, temples, synagogues, and mosques. I have listened to the arguments and I have a few good ones myself. As far as I can see, they all exist for two reasons: to take your money, and to convert more pockets.

With all that being said, I find Islam to be one of the noisiest religions around. During most of the year, the local masjid broadcasts the prayers and sermons from loudspeakers six times a day, beginning at the crack of dawn and going until sundown. However, during Ramadan, there is a new level of noise that is positively off the scale.

Don't get me wrong. Christians are pretty darned noisy. At their quietest, the churches ring bells during the day, but somehow that just doesn't rise to the level of off-key, half-asleep croaking voices amped to Kingdom Come and bellowing at 4 a.m. for half an hour every day. And yes, there are the Benny Hinns and Pat Robertsons who worship the god Media, and its Only Begotten Son, Wealth. They are a noisy lot, but they come with an off-switch, or at least you can change the channel, because most folks have long since forgotten there is an off-switch.

Jews are pretty danged noisy, as well. When no one pays attention to the them or thinks their whole 'Holocaust' thing is wearing thin, they start lobbing bombs around. They also innundate Merican media. You can't watch a single show without a token Jew making self-depreciating jokes. But, I have never found anything quite like Islam.

What brings all this up, besides my profound lack of sleep right now, is that Ramadan began yesterday, and in a country composed of about 80% muslims, that means we are all part of the fun. Why, just last night, there was a quiet parade of drummers through the neighborhood at 2:30 a.m., chanting and banging up and down the alleyways. Just as I was dozing again, the loudspeaker came alive, though the voice on it sounded like he could use a little sleep, as well. That was followed by the 5 a.m. round, which will be followed in turn every two hours today, and repeat again tonight for the next 30 days.

I'm all for fasting and purification. Do it myself, but I keep it to myself. The Christians have Lent, which is basically the same thing, but it's up to the individual and they don't spend a lot of effort telling everyone about it. Heck, here the restaurants cover their windows during the day with curtains and people avoid eating and drinking in public. Even bars, where no self-respecting muslim should be anyway, they serve in coffee mugs this month, in case the door should open and a thirsty muslim should happen to catch a glimpse inside. All they would see is a bunch of people sipping tea.

If you want an idea of what it's like, go into a traditional Catholic church on Good Friday and notice all the idols are covered in purple cloth. Now imagine that throughout an entire country, only with food.

Jakarta is pretty cosmo, so there's still pockets of normalcy around, but places like Aceh are off the scale. There, the police go around and check that NO ONE is eating or preparing food before sundown. If they find someone eating, they check your ID. If you are muslim, Allah help you. If you are some other word, they tell you to beat it. Outside the big city, most food places just shut down during the day. There are a precious few where you can get some vittles and the way you tell is by looking at the door. If it is just slightly ajar, you can grab a bite there.

Here's how it works. Muslims begin fasting with the helical New Moon using some ancient formula to calculate the month. By the Gregorian calendar, that month changes each year, but it's generall around the second half of the year. From the minute the sun peeks over the horizon (you know all those minarets around mosques...yeah) until it sets again, the muslim may not eat or drink for 30 days. That extends to swallowing your own saliva.

In practice, that also means that no one else may eat or drink either, since they don't want to see the rest of us enjoying our lives at this time of solemnity. The whole thing culminates with Idul Fitri, which I'll get to in about 28 days.

It makes teaching just a little challenging. I usually keep a bottle of water handy, because when you talk for 8 to 10 hours a day, you need a little lubrication. I have to invent all sorts of novel ways to drink without drinking. Also, you are facing a room full of kids who, well you know the Roadrunner cartoons where Coyote looks at him and he turns to a well-roasted and garnished dish? You get the idea.

And yes, even kids are expected to follow the program. Not to mention, we are all seriously sleep-deprived, so if I manage to say something coherent, the chances are it doesn't stick to anything in the audience.

So, to say I am a little annoyed as I write this should be, at the least, understandable. I like my sleep and I like to eat and drink and be merry (if at all possible). Islam was forced on Indonesia a few hundred years ago by Arab invaders, so it's not like it's a home-grown religion or something. Granted, I could live with the Hindus in Bali or the Christians in Sulawesi or central Sumatra, or I don't have to live here at all. For the that reason, I just keep my mouth shut and do as the Romans. To each their own.

What's interesting to me, though, is that even though everyone is supposedly fasting, the parade of food vendors continues, even now, hawking bread and soup and vegetables. It reminds me of an anecdote from years ago in another lifetime.

I had gone to a cousin's wedding, who happened to be Baptist. I was joined by my rather brash Wife #2. At the reception, she rather loudly queried, "What? No beer?" To which my aunt replied, "Honey, we're Baptists. We don't drink in front of each other."

And that pretty much sums up how I see the whole religion thing.

I do have one last point though. What is it with Jews and Muslims? They both regard Abraham as the father of their peoples (OK, different sons, but c'mon), they both have elaborate genital mutilation rituals (circumcision), they both wear beanies and shawls to pray, and they both shun pork and other critters as food. In fact, about the only substantial difference is the name of God/Allah/Yahweh. So for that reason alone, the rest of the world has to put up with all the saber-rattling and name-calling. Can't we all just get along?

As John Cleese might say at this point, "And now for something completely different."