Not that there's been any shortage of things to entertain and enthrall. One week, it was the crashing economy, then it was the mad MAGA bomber, now it's the Trump-hating synagogue shooter, and through it all has been the Central American invasion force now making its way through Mexico. And who can forget the brilliant fiasco that was Elizabeth Warren's DNA test?
Honestly, even Kurt Vonnegut couldn't make this stuff up, and he came close in Cat's Cradle and Slapstick.
The Federal Reserve (which is neither) and Wall Street have been doing their level best to crater the US economy, which has been steaming along at a (reported) 3.5% growth rate, which is the best showing since George W. (Shrub) Bush allowed the World Trade Center to be demolished. They even tried puffing up oil prices until that gadfly of US politics, Libya, started pumping again.
The bastast...I mean banksters have been pulling their money out of the markets, which promptly rebound. They've raised interest rates, forcing folks to pay cash for everything - which they apparently have now. The banksters have even tried blowing up oil prices, which turned right around and crashed again.
Just cain't win fer losin', my pappy always said.
The MAGA bomber was a real knee-slapper. Get a load of the name: Cesar Altier Sayoc. You know he's a lone nutcase because he has THREE names. I'm holding my cramping sides and wiping tears from my eyes on this one.
A registered Democrat voter from Debbie Wasserman Schultz' district in Florida, who is apparently related to Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren, abuses steroids and recently plastered his van in pro-Trump paraphernalia (despite everyone else who does this being attacked by Bumbledick hordes), and hangs around locker-room showers, decided to build a bunch of movie-prop bombs and send them to every Democrat in danger of being prosecuted for high crimes and misdemeanors.
The best part is that some of the packages were reported to have arrived at the homes of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, in defiance of the fact that folks like this do not receive any mail at the their homes (it all goes through government security checks first). This guy knew all the tricks, it would seem.
The best part is that this mental pygmy left fingerprints and DNA all over the place, as if he wanted the media to find his pro-Trump paraphernalia. Obviously, that would be the furthest thing from his mind, since no one but a patsy would want that kind of attention if they were serious bombers, right?
And speaking of Elizabeth Warren, this Queen of Politcal Comeuppance went and shot herself in both feet by getting a DNA test and releasing the results, showing that she might have had a distant relative several hundred years ago that was at least part North American indian. This Bumbledick genius highlighted the cultural insanity that is Political Correctness and exposed the silliness of Affirmative Action all with one tiny vial of blood or spit swab, whichever.
This, of course, was an insult to my children who are 1/8th Lipan Apache and have a photograph of great-grandmother to prove it.
Next, in the past few hours, some bozo walked into a Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, synagogue and shot up the place, killing 11 people and injuring some number of others. I particularly enjoy the delicious irony of the headline: Vigils Held for Shooting Victims, considering "vigil" is the first office of the day among old-time Catholics.
This story, of course, is being touted as symptomatic of the "hate" that is swelling in America under Donald Trump, even though the shooter was anti-Trump and he lived in a part of the country experiencing phenomenal growth due to Trump's trade war with Asia (see steel industry in the US).
Running like woven rattan through all of this goofiness is the so-called Honduran Caravan, which is reportedly a bunch of women and children seeking refuge from oppression at home, despite having walked through at least two other neighboring countries on their way to the US border and the fact that nearly all unedited and unfiltered photographs show thousands of well-dressed and well-fed fighting-aged men riding on flatbed trailers.
None of the GeezerMedia are asking the obvious question - how are these "untrained" refugees making better time on a 2,000-mile march than a well-trained and supplied army?
It's a bloody Bumbledick Miracle!
Apparently, no one gets the joke about calling this group of soldie...er, refugees a "caravan," since the word originates from the Persian (Iran) word karwan, and comes to English via the Arabic word qairawan, meaning "a group of desert travelers." Considering how many ISIS militants are reported to be embedded in the horde, this bit of delicious irony does not escape our notice.
The jaw-dropping lunacy of contemporary American politics is without comparison to anything I can think of in history. Not only is it glaringly transparent, it is just, well...silly. Hell, even a Californian dunderhead Irishman with an Hispanic nickname is being touted as a serious contender for a Texas Senate seat, despite the fact that all his money is coming from Hollywood.
You know the elections are going to be fun, because the pollsters (who so successfully predicted Hillary Clinton's landslide win in 2016) have begun backing off their Blue Wave Democrat groundswell, just exactly the way they did in the last two weeks leading up to the Trump victory.
I personally subscribe to neither the Bumbledicks nor the Bucketheads. I rather view them something like those corporations (can you say Procter & Gamble?) that sell the exact same products under a premium and a low-cost brand, so that you get the same result while paying for vaporous perception and image.
If I were forced to choose at gun-point, which may happen sooner than later, I would have to go with the Bucketheads, since the Bumbledicks have become little more than a punchline on the Blessed Assurance end of the Universe. At least the Bucketheads act like they're serious - a feature that is probably more dangerous, in any event.
As happens regularly during the US political cycle, I remind readers to find a copy of P. J. O'Rourke's brilliant book, Don't Vote, It Just Encourages the Bastards. Though it's hard to be funnier than the Bumbledicks, this book gives them a good run for the money, and will return more to the buyer than any campaign donation.
It might also be time to dust off those old Christopher Hitchens books to remind ourselves that there is nothing new under the Sun.
I would admonish the gentle reader to pray for the welfare of the nation, but that would violate every fiber of my constitution. Instead, let us turn to Lysander Spooner and recall that the US has been a joke since nearly the moment of its birth. One thing I do appreciate about Donald Trump, is the perpetual smirk on his face, belying the fact that he, too, knows it's all a perverse limerick.
